AUTOSTRADDLE HAS MOVED! Check out the new autostraddle at www.autostraddle.com !!

When in doubt, dance. Dance, I say! Dance! Dance all over the stage, change your clothes, tear up the floor, waltz and tango and skip and mambo your smokin' hot bod down to the village square, hook up with the Pied Piper of WeHo and dance your way out of regularly scheduled programming into the idea well of death. Welcome to the recap of Episode 607 of "The L Word," entitled "Last Couple Standing."

When dialogue is lacking and characters are whacking, the best bet for L Word characters is:
1. Get naked, have sex.
2. Put on costumes, start dancing.
3. Push it ... push it good.

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4. Push it real good.
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A little warning -- this recap is ... mediocre, and ... I don't know why. But it took forever! Like four days nonstop!

This recap would not even be possible were it not for the amazing assistance of Intern Vashti, who did all the screencaps for me (I didn't get the disc in time), and I think you'll agree that these are probably the best screencaps I've ever had. She did well with my detailed list of what shots I wanted, for example:
- Any shots of Kit's amazing outfit that show the full amazingness of it
- As many shots you can get of Push It as long as there's a good one of Tasha's butt and of their butts in the air, solid gold
- Dylena with that tramp in the background w/belly hanging out talking bla bla
- Shot of the bus 'cause apparently we're supposed to look at the bus for 10 minutes
I also must re-thank the ladies at Tibette.com, who hooked me up with a first cut of the ep, enabling me to get a head start on the recap before it aired 'cause I didn't get the 607 DVD from Showtime 'til today. And I also must thank Jeeeesus and Green, who per my request made me the most amazing animated gif of all time [above]. Shoop.

If any of you reading this are seeking temporary "internship" opportunities this week/weekend and you live in the NYC metro area, I'm panicking slightly that next week's recap will also take forever and therefore I need someone to come over and make screencaps with my DVD on their computer while I do work on my computer. I will pay you in: blow jobs, pickles, buttons baby, and the golden opportunity to see 608 before all the other kids do. Comment. This is limited only to people who can physically be here. If you turn out to be psycho, I will give you rabies and throw you in the Hudson River.

Today's viewing party: Robin, Carly, Riese, A;ex, Esmerelda Fitzmonster (with occasional appearances by Natalie).
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Also. Sorry the intro is so long. On Sunday we'll be live-blogging/tweeting/chatting [TBA] the Finale Event from New Autostraddle 1.0 -- a venture which you'll hear more about next week. The URL is www.autostraddle.com and although right now that just redirects here, pretty soon it won't, and ... um ... it's kinda awesome, like ... yeah. Just be excited, add it to your bookmarks toolbar RIGHTNOW, and be prepared for change. You know, change? That thing Ilene doesn't want Shane to ever do?

I thought Jenny was gonna die in Episode 607. When I first saw her hair & makeup I thought: "A-HA! That is Ghost Jenny if I ever saw her..." (wtf hair&makeup?)

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Ghost Dana is clearly on her way, and everyone will dance! Like this:


Unfortunately that's not the case. That's fine, now I've got seven more days to exist within my personal fantasy world where Jenny doesn't actually die but rather wakes up and declares "it was all just a dream!" Jenny is immortal, as I've said.


You Wanna See My Spirit Stick or What?

Hello and welcome to the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center Children, Youth & Family Services 2009 "Dancing Through the Decades" Dance Marathon, sponsored by OurChart. Aw. I bet that was a fun do-over in the editing room. Alice warns Bette that she's going down like Charlie Brown tonight 'cause The Three Dykeateers are gonna three-peat this whole enchilada -- best dance, last couple standing, money raised. Bette won't say a word about what she and Tina have up their designer sleeves. As this scene happened I started remembering how Bette left Alice for Tina. And then Dana left Alice for Lara and now. Sigh.

Bette and Alice are cutely overly competitive. I think it's awesome that TLW is giving some extra visibility to the L.A. GLC, hopefully this'll encourage a lot of lesbos to give those people all their money. Any way you roll the dice or feel about this episode or this show, that's really cool, eternal A+ for social responsibility.

Who's gonna kill Jenny this episode? Talice & Jamie's dance routine!

Dirty Dancing
Alice: "Our Dance Routine kills! KILLS!"
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I Know There's Like a Billion Flowers on My Shirt! It's Like the Garden of Eden!

As Alice returns to her playpalace, Bette calls out -- "Alice, look at what you've done" and gestures elegantly around the room. It's a sweet supportive moment between friends which is quickly ruined by the angel of death, who's ready to tattle.

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Hey-o! What happened to THIS Jenny?


Episode 203 - Loneliest Number
Bette: "How were you when your life fell apart?"
Jenny: "A mess."
Bette:"That's it. That's me."
Jenny: "You know what? It does get better."
Bette: "You know, I keep...replaying it, over and over again in my head. Just trying to figure out...the exact moment when I could've stopped myself."
Jenny: "No, no, no you can't do that. Because we all make mistakes."
Bette:"But not like me. Not like this."
[Bette looks at Jenny, Jenny smiles.]
Bette: "I don't even know why you're talking to me about this. I mean, it wasn't like I was very nice to you when you went through all of this with Tim."
Jenny: "I don't know. I guess....I know how that feels."
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A'ight, let's go see Ret-Conned Jenny. Shall we begin?

Lesbian Squabble #25: I Listen In & I Draw My Own Conclusions & Take Photos of Them & I'm Guilty Of This, You Should Know This

In the Ring: Jenny vs. Bette
Content: Jenny wants to know if Bette told Tina about what happened while Tina was in the big apple. You know, how Bette really liked Kelly's peaches, therefore wanted to shake her tree. Bette rogers that and reports no, she did not tell Tina about having sex with Kelly because she did not have sex with Kelly.
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Jenny: "It's not funny, I saw you through the window! You weren't even trying to hide it, Bette!"

[I'd argue that things one does in the privacy of one's home count as "hidden."]

Bette: "I don't know what you think you saw, but I can tell you however it appeared, nothing happened."
Jenny: "Then what did I see Bette?"
Bette: "I don't know, you tell me. What did you see, Jenny?"
Jenny: [patronizing] "I know this is hard, and I know that you're trying to be better --"
Bette: "Look. NOTHING HAPPENED. Kelly came over, she was drunk, she spilled her drink, I cleaned it up. That's the end of the story let it go."
Jenny: "Tina's my friend. You know how it works, people find out about these things."

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Who Wins? Jenny.

Why? C'mon, for an innocent woman Bette couldn't possibly have sounded guiltier. Wouldn't one naturally assume Jenny had somehow seen Kelly trying to lay a smooch on Bette, rather than that she'd seen the drink spill? AND w/o knowing about the iphone photo, why would Bette give this argument the time of day? Clearly Dick Wolf wasn't consulted on this scene. Ilene why hast thou forsaken us. Tina's Jenny's only friend now, so maybe she is just lookin' out.

I feel really bad for Bette, and being punished for something you didn't do -- especially when it's something people might expect you to do but you don't do anymore -- blows harder than Ted Haggard in a truck stop bathroom. Sidenote ; if I'd been freeze-dried since 1985 without sexual activity and Kelly tried to stick her hand down my pants -- Hell to the N-O. I'd rather make out with a REPUBLICAN. Because Republicans can be sexy. Actually. Kelly's probs a Republican, she seems like that kind of asshole. Anyhow is anyone still reading? I used to be funny, now I'm not. I'm like Full House .

Anyhoo, no matter, here comes Tina to save the day!
Guess who doesn't say that she's gonna kill Jenny? That's right. Bette. Why not? I have One Big Idea why. Anyhow as aforementioned, it's Jamie & Alice's dance routine that does the killing today, allegedly.

Tina's been offered a job at Focus Features! Bette says Tina you are a ROCKSTAR! See, they're so happy together, like two turtles on a peapod in an ocean of lovely-love. There's only one catch -- this new job is in New York, New York!


Same Sex, Different City
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Bette -- her entire body seized by fear that Jenny's gonna rat out her innocent & lovely ass -- eagerly suggests they skip town. It's such a great opportunity for her to get away from Jennifer for Tina! But Tina says they can't leave their life & friends! There's so much friend love here! OR IS THERE?

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We got plenty of love for y'all right here.
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And My Face Is Just a Trace of Where I'm Coming From

Time for exposition! Alice disapproves of Marcie moving in, Tina shares their travel itinerary: 1. They're not attending the entire marathon because 2. They're picking up Marcie from the bus station at 7 A.M. because 3. Classy! I've done that route on the Greyhound, I almost got raped and pillaged by a one-toothed man who smelled like Sausage McMuffins & dead people. Just saying, don't be surprised if Marcie arrives with placenta running down her bare thighs and knee-socked calves.
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Shortalls, Alice. She was wearing Shortalls.
Alice thinks they should see Baby Mama (I haven't, never will, I got one leg whatever), 'cause apparently this situation is a one-way road to trouble and ... probs a three-way crush.

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Alice:
"And she's a teenager, so she's gonna hate you guys out of principle."
Bette:
"You know what she's 22 years old."
Alice:
"Okay so she's gonna wanna down like 50 beers after dinner."

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HEY-O! You know who else likes 50 beers after dinner? I mean -- before dinner, after lunch, etc.? With afternoon tea? That's right, Helena!


HELENA!! Let's get it ONNNN! Marcie and Helena, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!
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Alice: "You could get all lost in those mushy mama feelings and sock it to 'er one night."


Bette's Big Bettism: "Okay, that's enough. I am not some fucking lose cannon that just fucks everything that walks okay I can be trusted."

[BRILLIANT!]

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I Learn Every Room Long Enough to Make it to the Door and Hear it Click Shut Behind Me

Alice:
"Is Marcie hot?"
Bettina
: "ALICE!"
Alice:
"You guys, you're bringing me down okay?"

Carly: "I wish she'd said 'you guys are harshing my mellow, okay?"

Don't Think I'll Deny Why Would I Deny This

Tina apologizes to Helena for "pushing" her into the Dylan Test, but Helena says it's okay -- she was "complicit," she wanted to know. [Sidenote: and Dylan obvs overreacted, as she totes deserved to be tested.] Remember when Tina and Helena had S-E-X in a P-O-O-L? They love PoolSex on The L Word. And in less than a week, there'll be no more lesbian pool sex EVER. I hear there'll be a dead body in the pool, maybe a few floaties, some of those rings at the bottom. Shamu. Shamwow.

"She's in love with you," Tina tells Helena. Helena asks "then where is she?" Excellent point. Where the fuck is she. One does not sacrifice one's chance to make love to Helena Peabody. Enough of this character development, let's get on with the dance!


You Better Work.
If you haven't already seen the episode, I'd suggest a drinking game that requires one drink for every time they cut away to the audience applauding. You will be wasted within fifteen minutes tops.
Carly: "Is this the only drag queen in the world?"
Riese:
"This is a one-avenue town. One lawyer, one therapist, one drag queen. And he's actually a really bad drag queen."
Carly:
"Uh yeah! Like he hits on women!"
Riese: "I don't even know if he could get a job at Lucky Cheng's ."
Alex: "Um absolutely not."

The Colors of My Wind
Jamie/Pocahontas [BTW, I'm related to Pocahontas, as I've mentioned 500 times, therefore Jamie is my sister] takes the stage to discuss the cause -- the LA Gay & Lesbian Center's Jeff Griffith Youth Center (In NYC we have the Ali Forney Center) for homeless gay youth, and then calls Alice up. Alice is jazzed & adorable & pumped, she's a whole new lady!

Alice tells the crowd how her life has turned around after getting fired from The Look [I'm having Rosie Cruise '07 opening night performance post-Hassleback showdown flashbacks!], she's made a good friend & loves her girlfriend more than ever and she owes this to someone very special. MARIE! Marie taught Alice something very important: "It's not a one way street, we can really influence these kids and if you give them one second of your time they can really turn your life around." APPLAUSE!

Coincidentally, my name is also Marie I am just saying.
Carly: "She looks kindaaaa like Ellen Page."
Riese:
"She's like a poor man's Ellen Page."
Carly:
"Oh my god, she totally IS, we can't write that down."
Meanwhile! While Jamie's asking who'd like to make a donation and "set the tone" for the donation drive,
Bette looks over her shoulder ...


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and what does she see ...
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"That girl from Medieval Times, she's coming for me!"
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What will Bette do to flee the scene?
Ah! Time to get on stage and unpack some green.
It's for a good cause, so no one gets hurt
Besides the peasant who died to make Alice's shirt.
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Look my Friends are LOADED! Power UP!
Alice is thrilled to be ahead of the three-peat game already. See, look how good Jenny is for charity. $1,500! Tina's facial expression is priceless, it says: "There goes Angelica's clarinet lessons, big spender." The trio exits and Sunset calls Kit Porter to the stage. Kit's wearing one of the costumes Showtime asked me to identify for their auction and I said I was certain I'd never seen it on the show. 'Cause if I had, I would've remembered, because this little jumpsuit thing is probs the best moment of all six seasons, I want one in every color. I'm bidding on it. Sidenote; it's much smaller than you'd expect, we guessed it was Helena's.

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My Thrumpin' Piano Comes Through
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Kit: "I have a little question for you ... will you be my dance partner for this evening?"
Sunset [makes weird noises]: "Oohhhh yeeeessss!"
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In other news, Kit's talking like she just took a bubble bath in liquid codeine.
Robin: "Did they just go to Claire's and pick random accessories for everyone?"
Carly:
"Totally, that's where they met Sunset Boulevard."
Riese: "He's like the guy that will pierce your ears even if you're only 15."

Or Does Each Apology Sound More Like a Shrug

Jenny apologizes to Helena. Helena blows her off and walks away. Alice wants Helena to dance but Helena can't stay up for 12 hours and dance, and Kit hasn't blown any horn players lately so there's no coke to go around, but Tasha & Alice tell her she must dance -- she can dance with Jamie, who's a weirdly awesome dancer. If Helena doesn't dance, none of us will dance, it'll be anarchy! Sidenote; what's the point if Helena has no sponsors? Ok.

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I'm Not an Addict, It's COOL, I feel ALIVE

Apparently Alice&Tasha have been awake all week building endurance. All work and no play makes Alice apparently a very perceptive girl. She takes Helena to get a number, leaving Tasha & Jamie alone to check each other out.

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"What?" Tasha asks.

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"If you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you," Jamie responds. My heart hurts.

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Robin: "Wasn't Tasha the one that says thinking was cheating?"
Riese:
"That was like a few episodes ago."
Carly:
"They're completely different characters now."


So Then I Wake Up, and it's the Morning, and My Legs Are Wrapped Around Her ... Wha?
Let the dance marathon begin! If anyone stops dancing they'll be eliminated and then one gay child will die. The first dance will be a line dance. Kit, who's upped the Studio 54 ante by snorting lines of horse tranquilizer in the backroom, does an intro dance with Sunset that closely resembles my imitation of Janet from Intervention dancing with her imagination.

Doesn't Kit's butt look kinda cute in this?:

This outfit inspires the crowd of cheap hookers to DANCE DANCE DANCE!

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The Tango Kit Porter is a Dark Dizzy Merry-Go-Round ...

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Sunset: "If there is no spring in your step--"

Kit: "and no funk in your trunk --

Sunset: "You will be eliminated --"

Kit: "The question is ... do you have the staying power ...?"

[Kit makes 4-5 strange/amazing facial expressions]
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It's BABYLON!


Confessions on the Dance Floor

Let's dance! Bette & Tina are such cute dancers. Then, because this is in fact The Way That We Live -- Bette spots her ex. Jodi's taken a break from constructing a giant shrine honoring the wire hanger she used to abort Bette's dignity to shake her little ass for charity. Tina tells Bette to not let Jodi ruin her night. "She's probably just here to do some good," Tina suggests. Tina's one of those naturally happy people, I suspect. Jodi is one of those naturally Shake What Your Mama Gave You people.

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Jodi's gonna give that girl her O Face

Bette begins to tell Tina about her earlier conversation with Jenny but is busted in on by Alice, who disregards the "private convo" vibe to ask if they sense any weird Jamie-Tasha-vibes. Tina & Bette draw on their long history as Jamie's BFF and the very illustrative example of her dancing on the other side of the room to declare that there is no vibe. None at all.


This is the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius

Alice's wild hand dances are reminiscent of 90's girl movies featuring hippies who summon dead people around fires. After interrupting Bette's confession twice, Alice goes back to her hidie -hole and Bette returns to attempting to tell Tina ... but it's hard, isn't it? You've got the weight of what you've done on your back, the explanation that's sure to sound sketchy. What does she think Jenny saw? Does she think Jenny's just making shit up to be "manipulative and evil"? What the Eff is going on? "Never mind," Bette says. "We'll talk about it later." And they dance on.

Bette and Jodi are washing their dirty hands of each other in the bathroom at the same time. IMHO, Bette could've escaped this catastrophe w/Jodi by just moving very quietly and refusing eye contact. Instead, Bette does the mature thing and asks Jodi if "they're really gonna do this -- not say Hi to each other." Why is Bette always so perfect? Apparently Jodi and Jenny have spoken and Jodi now knows about Bette & Kelly -- or maybe Jenny just said "I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T HEAR THE MUSIC" and Jodi heard "BETTE AND KELLY DID THE DIRTY DIRTY." You know? These things happen. Rumors flying on the dance floor, etc. I can't hear shit in those places.


Lesbian Squabble #26: You Can Fuck Whoever You Like
In the Ring: Jodi vs. Bette
Content: Jodi's glad she dodged a bullet with Bette. Bette had a gun? This story keeps getting shadier and shadier. I can barely keep up with these Sapphic Scenesters.

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Jodi: "Jenny told me about you and Kelly."

Bette: "And you believed her? She thinks that she saw something, nothing happened."

Jodi: "Then why did Kelly tell me it did?"

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Fuck You Kelly.
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That's a really good question. Did Kelly tell Jodi before Jenny told Jodi? She must've, 'cause Jodi can't talk on the phone, I doubt her & Kelly are at text-friends level, and Jodi just talked to Jenny. That means: 1. I bet Jodi brought it up, not the other way around, which I imagine cemented Jenny's suspicion, if she had any doubt before. 2. This is now 50% Jenny's fault, 50% Kelly's fault, and 0% Bette's fault. Bette needs to call Kelly STAT! This shit's BANANAS!

Bette breaks my heart here. "It's Tina I feel sorry for," Jodi says like a patronizing fuck. Personally I feel sorry for Jodi because she has a totem pole up her ass, Jamie brought it over from her wigwam. Where'sTashsa to beat a bitch down when you need her.


3-2-1 CONTACT!

Back on the dance floor, the gay youths are fabulous! And the ladies are line-dancing/gossiping. What's the story, morning glory? What's the word, mockingbird. There's something about this line dance that makes everyone look ridiculously sexy. Shane looks sexy, Jenny looks sexy, Alice looks sexy even though she's wearing Bette's S3 maternity meditation outfit ...

Jenny to Bette: "Did you tell her?"
[Bette rolls her eyes, keeps dancing.]
Riese: "Don't you feel like Jenny looks cute right now?"
Alex:
"Oh totally."
Carly:
"Oh I don't know I'm too annoyed with her to have an opinion."

I'm So ... SCARED!
Shane's dressed like there's no time, only Shane-time. It's like Miller Time. Dance through what decades, dance in your pants. Shane tells TiBette not to move to NYC, they can't leave her here all alone with Jenny -- though I suspect they'll be all too happy to leave this kind of silly drama and bizarre personality transplants behind.

Alice continues to conduct the "is something up with Jamie and Tasha?" survey ... and Helena gives Alice her first positive response -- "Yeah, you should be worried." Cheers to Honest Helena. Boo to ... Alice's heart hurting. Good news though!

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I See Red
Heart = Hurts. Can we just give Alice a pretty girl, a rock band, a hot job and a baby? Or just send her to jail? Oh. Okay.

Do I Push it Down Or Let it Run Me Right to the Ground
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Yeah I'll Volunteer in Your Pants

Jamie's all like, ooo Tasha are you gonna volunteer at the center, and Tasha's all like yeah I will, and Jamie's all like yah you will, 'cause this is probs her game, she woos people into charity with her hot bod. Tasha's restrained though, not overstepping. She's hard to read -- as a lady who thinks thinking is cheating, perhaps she's just doing her best to control her own thoughts. Meanwhile,Esmerelda has feelings for Tasha's glasses.

Even the Muppet has his 80's glasses on.

Hard Core Superstar By Far You're the Ultimate Star

Look! Who's that girl?! Who is it? Is it Nikki Stevens, the star of direct-to-video limited release Criterion edition super special The Girls: Because Men and Women Belong Together, starring Nikki Stevens as Jessie? Nikki beelines straight for Sexy Shane, who's all-too-happy to see her and conveniently located right in front of Nikki's face.
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Clever In What She Does Competing for the Attention
"I'm waiting for Jenny," Shane says, shifting her pelvis into Nikki's grill. "She's my partner." They throw the word "partner" around like Silly Putty on this show. Nikki acutely notes that Jenny didn't seem like Jenny's partner last week, when Shane took her to the photo studio Jenny bought her to secretly have sex and then barfed. When Nikki apologizes for skipping out on the barf-party, Shane says, "it's okay, some people just aren't very good at taking care of others." Clearly, these two are shining examples, they're both doing quite well with Jenny's heart. Again we have another scene where it's clear even Kate doesn't know why the hell these lines are her's.
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See Shane, This is Why You Got Forbidden
Shane doesn't actually like Nikki, does she? Does she just want Jenny to dump her? Seriously THIS IS THE MOST ASSHOLE THING EVER. I don't care if Jenny is in fact the devil herself, you break up with her before you fuck her ex-girlfriend. This is so inappropriate it's gone all the way past inappropriate into unacceptable and all the way back to WTF TFS. Where's Alice?


"WHAZUUUPPPP!???"
Alice, aka Salt, busts in on Shane with her ghetto-girl voice and Shane laughs which is nice 'cause Shane rarely laughs these days. Shane says they're competing because Jenny wants to, it's "not her thing" [mmm, I don't hear Tasha whining like this, suck it up and be a woMAN!] and Alice is like "What is your thing these days?" and rather than delve into the deep secrets of Nikki's inner thighs, Shane just says "not now, Alice."

Alice says it's how Shane wants it to be. This is an interesting conversation -- oh! Nevermind. Back to the dancing. If it kept going, there'd be a lot of awkward silences where Shane's personality is supposed to be.


The fabric from Alice's Season Four gold lame dress called and said it looked so much better the first time around
Sunset's costumes are devolving as the night goes on. He's moved from outfits to common household materials, such as sofa slipcovers and blankets.

It's time for Jenny & Shane to dance. I think they thought it was the 1870's. Jenny's selling it, Shane's melling it. That's a new word, just made it up -- it means "mellow." Shane smiles, almost, from time to time, but the weight of the piece is on Jenny's shoulders and in the ruffles at the bottom of her dress. There's something sad & itchy about this scene.
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"we thought we left possession behind , but truth is i was yours and you weren't mine."

"and now i've replayed a thousand times exactly what was said."
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"'cause nothing is as it appears in the funhouse mirrors of your fears."

"on the rollercoaster of all these years"
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"with your hands above your head ..."
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They earn moderate ratings. They will not win. In more ways than one. But they look kinda gorgeous together. In the VIP lounge, Nikki cheers. Nikki don't mind. It's her two favorite sexual partners, all up in one another's junk.

Back in the dressing room, Alice is ready to go, there she goes, there she goes again Girls what's her weakness? (Women!) Alice's just chillin', chillin' minding her business (word) when yo Tash, she looked around and she couldn't believe this. I swear, she stared, with Tina her witness. Bette had it goin' on with somethin' kinda ... uhhhh ...

Shoop Shoop Ba -doop
Alice: "I didn't know Dance Fever was back in the air."
Bette: "Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize Kriss Kross was looking for a new member."

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[Alice walks away, all like "Whatevs bitch, my pants are on frontwards."]

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Bette: "Hey Al, nice cameltoe."

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[Hey Bette, nice raunchy comeback. Love it!]

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Wicked, wicked. Alice had to kick it.
Alice: "Fuck, they're not fucking around! They're serious they have costumes!"
Tasha: "I see that. Wasn't this supposed to be fun?"
Alice: "FUN?! NO!"
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Don't know how she makes you do the voodoo that you do.

So well, it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop ...


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Bette:
"Do you think you need to go over it again?"
Tina: "Go over it again? No I think I'm good."
Bette:
"Are you sure because they have wigs and spandex it's not a fucking joke. We have no idea what they're capable of."
[QUOTE OF THE WEEK #1 RIGHT THERE]
Tina: "I'll do my best."
I love it when I don't really even have to say anything, 'cause it's already good.

Alice, worried that TiBette are packed and stacked 'specially in the back, starts having second thoughts. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, the dance routine. I mean the three of these ladies weren't put in the same storyline to dance together, clearly they are here to have A FUCKING THREESOME. Shotgun-bang! What's up with that thang?
Carly: "You know which one is Spinderella."
Alex: "Totally."
Carly: Alice is the me of this team."


Chocolate Chip, Honey Dip, Can I Get a Scoop?

Tasha: "Alice, what's wrong?"
Alice: "No, no I can't ... I don't have rhythym."
Tasha: "What?!"
Alice: "No, I don't, it's a -- it's a joke. I don't know what I was thinking."
Tasha: "What are you talking about? You were the lead in West Side Story!"
Jamie: "You said we're number one, we can't be number two?"

[and we're gonna beat the whoopie outta you!]

Alice: "Uh uh you guys everyone went traditional, we look like freaks."


No you look AWESOME.
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Tasha's like uh-uh, I wore this outfit in my senior yearbook picture, fool. [I wore chapstick on a rope around my neck, I'm not judging.]

Tasha: "We don't we look good -- alright, alright, we look a little crazy but come on. [LOLZ!] That is not the point. Listen alright we can do this, you know the routine, you choreographed everything, okay?"
Alice: "Another problem, why did you let me do that. I don't know how to choreograph shit."
Tasha: "Put your wig on, Alice, put your wig on, okay? You're gonna do this."
Alice: "I was a terrible Maria, by the way."

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Clearly Alice went to a white girl school, how the F did she get cast as Maria? She is a kickass singer, though. Say so, you want to ...

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And If You Wants to Dance and If She Wants To Lead ...
Look I've been in this situation before and I think Alice needs two girlfriends. Not 'cause she needs to have sex with both of them at once (though I'm sensing that's never gonna happen, therefore if I were Jenny I would want to die too) but 'cause she just has a lot of feelings and needs.

Tasha: "You're gonna do this. Just think of one thing, okay? Think -- think -- everybody out there, they're here for you, okay?

Jamie and I are gonna do this crazy ass dance for you. I'm in a turquoise onesie for you, okay, so pull it together."

QUOTE OF THE WEEK #2 HANDS-DOWN.

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Dignified in What She Does when She Sings
Alex: "It's gonna be like - [sings] - All the single ladies, all the single ladies ..."
Carly:
"That's what we woulda done, obvs -- for the Dance whatever this thing is they made up."
Riese:
"No, those are real, they're a big deal. They had a huge Dance Marathon at U of M [University of Michigan, my alma matter] with breaks and guest speakers and stuff, it's like a big fundraising thing."
[Everyone is stunned speechless by the truthiness. But enough about us. ZOMG!]
And then we begin -- Salt-n-Peppa's PUSH IT.

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You gotta push it ...


Push it good ...


Push it ...

++
I don't know about you, but clearly we have declared a hands-down-totes winner. I always wished the L Word could be more like Roundhouse.
++

Esmerelda can't hold a sign without assistance but if she could it would be a ten. Also Robin's ten is slightly higher than our tens because she looks super crazy in this photo.
+
I could watch this dance scene ten more times. One hundred more times. And still love every minute.


I Want One Thing I Wanted To Come True
Jenny, probs still feeling sad & weird that her girlfriend did not even attempt to push it real good, seems well aware that Shane's looking the other way. If Haviland was here she'd be like, "Shane! You need to communicate! Don't cheat on her, promise me you're not gonna do that. Just break up with her first before you have an affair, that is so lame not to. Be honest with her, tell her how you feel, don't just run off to the bathroom, that is so lame, Shane, for REAL. La-h-me."

To Destroy The Things I've Got For the Things I Need
To Destroy The Things I Love For the Things I See [Nikki]


"If this is that same fucking girl that's been fucking random girls in the bathroom since 2004, I am going to be fucking livid don't you try me."
And then we go to the bathroom, where Shane is apparently surpassing the "five minutes to pee" limit. Really? Five minutes? It takes five minutes to pee? I feel like I could pee, do a line of coke, switch up a tampon, text Haviland and be outta that stall in three or less.

Lesbian Sexy Moment #10: We Never Change, Do We? We Never Learn, Do We?

The Players: Shane and Nikki.
The Pick-Up: Probs "Hey, are you an asshole? I'm also an asshole. Let's go be assholes together. Maybe at some point, I can touch your asshole. Do you like that? Probs not. That's why you don't have sex with boys anymore, isn't it. Boys always think you've got a secret up there and anyway aren't you saving your ass virginity for Brian Kinney , yes you are."
Hot or Not?:
Tina & Bette's dance sequence is much sexier than Shane's delayed emotional growth
and wish they didn't keep cutting away. Out of context = hot. In context= not hot.
+
I can't believe I'm saying this about Shane, the former love of my life, the reason I watched this show to begin with. Oh, the tangled web we've woven.
Alex: "Ugh."
Riese:
"Fuckin' A."
Carly: "Ugh, Shane, you asshole."
++

Big Boo for Shane.
++
And back to the good stuff. What we wouldn't give to see this shit uncut. What we wouldn't give to see the rehearsal for this. Angie was sitting on her special chair clapping and squealing "Mommy is shiny!" Tina & Bette dance to Soul II Soul's "Back To Life". I hope all ye Tibetters are sitting on a towel 'cause you're probs about to cream through your pants.

++


With these hungry eyes
+

I look at you and I can't disguise
+

I've got hungry eyes
+

I feel the magic between you and I ...
+
And look who shows up mid-dance ...


It's Dylan. She tells Helena that she's sorry. Not about her haircut, but about her personality. Yay! Let's dance, lovebirds!
+


++

The judges give TiBette 10, 9.0, and 8.5. Maybe the 8.5 had a crush on Bette in college and got rejected, I think that dance was one of the hottest moments of the season (besides Push It)-- these women who've been through ups & downs for years & years are stronger, sexier, and more in sync than ever, andthat's fucking beautiful. I'd rather by a DVD of just that dance [uncut] than the entire season.

+

I Like What You Do When You Do What You Do

Riese: "They just did the Obama fist bump."
Carly: "According to Fox News, they just fisted."

We're 75% sure that Team TiBette has this shit in the bag when that bitch from Dancing with the Stars takes the stage in her Dancing with the Stars prom dress, pulling an unexpected underdog effort a là Screech & Lisa on crutches. Sidenote; love shows where the only people in the dance contest are main cast members -- [sidenote #2, after Jodi's big moment on DWTS last year, A;ex and I made our own video of A;ex dancing to "I Want You Back" with earplugs in to see if it was possible for her to dance without hearing the music,inter-spliced with Jodi's best DWTS moments. Watch that here.]

++
Tina:
"Any regrets?"
Bette:
"Not - a -one."
+

The girls are stunned. Obviously Jodi is not deaf after all. The first clue was the video installation. Just kidding, I'm running out of jokes. The judges cream all over it. Jodi's an amazing dancer for sure, but I think this show is maxed out (ha! "maxed"!) on presenting members of various marginalized social groups as assholes, and there's nothing about Jodi's behavior this episode that makes anyone like her more. The dance is smoking hot -- but again, in context? Not so much. Out of context? Like on the reality show where it belongs? Ah, well, an interesting twist.

On the upside, your girlfriends = way hotter than Jodi's girlfriend.

Time for the monkeys to go to the picnic and have their foods! What's for lunch? Corn on the cob? Alice says Jodi & her bitch must've been practicing for months. "You had us practicing for months," says Tasha. Teeny exaggeration there -- apparently 606 happened last week, so ... [how fun would a rehearsal montage have been? That's J-Beals specialty, MANIAC!] ... Alice shoots back "your sense of fair play is annoying." Agreed.

Tasha is just one of those girls that won't get excited about anything unless it's officially, genuinely, seriously important. And maybe still even now she doesn't see what Alice sees as mattering ... but can we bear to see Alice's little heart be sad with only one episode to go? Can't they break up in the off-season?

And I Hate To Say It, But You're Perfect Together ...
Alice sits down next to Bette & Tina. They don't even have to say anything. Bette puts her hand on Alice's shoulder, and Tina gives her a little smile, and little muppet hearts all over the world break right open.


Up in the world-famous VIP lounge, Nikki's dishing to her No.1 Groupie about how hot her BathroomSex was with Shane. "Nikki," Lily Allen says, "Twelve o'clock -- no the other 12. Behind you." Oh! Hello there.


And Darling
++

Nikki gives Jenny a guilty/I'm still in love with you/I eat doorknobs for dinner look. But instead of calling Nikki out for fucking Shane again ... and again ... she gives Nikki a little bit of "advice." In Season Six advice from Jenny is not always a fantastic thing to take. Well, Alice hasn't looked into the cartoon voiceover thing yet, so.


I'm Sure You Don't Mean To Be Mean When You Creep Up and Tell Me

Carly: "I cleared out my special lounge for you Jenny. Nikki's sitting like she's the fucking Queen of Sheeba."
Riese: "And Jenny is the Princess of Darkness."
"The public is very harsh with you," Jenny says. "You have a reputation for being shallow and vain." Nikki's like, "No I don't." Come on, Nikki can't read, how would she know she has a bad reputation. She has a bad reputation in my living room, but that's another story. Jenny suggests Nikki fixes her public image by auctioning herself off for charity. You know. Selling her body for money. Nikki's so nervous around Jenny, she's like a whole different person. Jenny should maybe date someone who's super intelligent, more on her level -- maybe that would help with the powergame problem. Anyhow speaking of selling oneself, let's go out into the alley ...


Baby this is the last honest love I'll ever give

Helena and Dylan are outside kissing like schoolgirls. Helena has a memory! Backstory! Back in the day, little miss Peabody, who I deduce looked smashing in knickers, liked to dash outside from boarding school to kiss Bridget Somethingsomething who eventually left dear Helena for a "Maths superstar." You know those Maths guys. Veiny cocks like salamanders. The ladies in the background are mildly distracting.
Natalie: "Oh my G-d I thought that was --"
Riese: "A prostitute?"
Natalie:
"Oh no, i thought it was Jenny and Shane, but it's Dylan and Helena."
Riese: "Is that the set back there?"
Carly: "That's Ilene Chaiken in the hat."


I'm Gonna Hold You Anyway and I'm Gonna Do It Without Shaking

Helena: "Not much has changed, has it? I'm still just gambling with my heart ... Dylan, I'm sorry okay?"

Dylan: "Listen, no more apologies. I think we just need to start new, okay? Can we do that?"

+

Helena says they can. Brian Kinney says never explain, never apologize. Let's get this show on the road! Bada-bing bada-ching, ring a ding a ling shoop shoop da doop!
Sunset has killed a bird. Bird-killer = Jenny killer? You know how Ilene feels about dudes. Sunset, in all honesty, has never looked better. He should wear Zebra ever day. Nikki gets up to say she'd like to make a donation and auction off a date with herself.

Roxanne You Don't Have to Sell Your Body To Make Right
The bids start low and Nikki angles high: "Let's make it 2,000, I make really good pancakes." No honey, Rosa makes the pancakes, you just pour on the Aunt Jemima, that doesn't count as making pancakes. Someone wants breakfast -- Jenny bids $25,000. She shields her eyes when the spotlight turns to her. She looks dark and sad. Shane looks dead in the eyes. Alice is livid to lose the donation game. Again we see how Jenny is good for charity.

Jenny Moment: "Shane, you don't have to fuck her in a bathroom anymore, you don't have to sneak around,

I don't want you to do that, so I bought her for you. So you can have her whenever you want."

+

[We applaud]
Riese: "AMAZING!"
Alex: "AND that's why we love Jenny."
Carly: "--and that is AWESOME."
If it wasn't sort of degrading to the cause (bringing personal drama into a charity event is a little tacky), I'd give this particular Jenny Moment a 10 out of 10. But because of that I give it an 8.5. Well, Lacey made a banner. Shane, where have you gone.

Jenny then approaches Shane, who looks like she's thinking about chapstick and cucumbers and suicide, and tells her: "Listen, I don't care. You can fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. Fuck Nikki, fuck whoever. I know that you need it, it doesn't scare me, because I know you. Okay?" But ... that's not okay. It's never okay to fuck your best friend's ex-girlfriend, or your girlfriend's ex-girlfriend. Is Jenny just trying to keep her? Is she a flip-flopper from hell? Or is she just being manipulative? Well, let's move on and never find out.

Dammit my plan to get dumped was foiled.
+
Nikki's probs in back whipping up the Bisquik.


So If You Still Know How, Talk to Me Now .
Bette tentatively approaches Jodi; "I don't know why I care about what you think of me but I do, and I promise you I haven't cheated on Tina."

Jodi still doesn't believe her but says it doesn't matter. Yes it does, it just does, if it didn't matter, Jodi wouldn't have brought it up or said she's glad to have dodged a bullet. Nevertheless Bette's fed a hearty portion of Jodi's Maxims for Life. "Every day we wake up and promise ourselves we're going to be better. The problem is in the execution." She wishes Bette & Tina happiness. I bet after Bette left Jodi signed to herself "just kidding I hope you kill somebody."

++


'Cause I'm Good Enough, and Smart Enough, and G-ddammit People Like Me

+


Fuck you Jodi.

Jamie says she was silly to think a 15-minute power nap would be okay. Well, there's item number one Tasha and Jamie do NOT have in common because Tasha would be just fine because she was in the army and took power naps all the time so there, they're too much alike, it would never work.

Be Careful What You Ask
+
Alice:
"Do you have feelings for Tasha?"
Jamie:
"Alice, I would never do anything --"
Alice:
"I know."
+

Be Cautious How You Act
+
:-(
+
Don't mind it's a common reaction ..

Tina & Bette look like they've just slept for 10 hours, it is the buttcrack of dawn and they are fully accessorized. I'm lucky to be wearing pants with pockets after an all-nighter, let alone a watch with matching earrings & scarf. These women are on top of their shit, should probs take custody of the octuplets. Or move to New York City.

+
Bette: "At a certain point I have to trust that they're like our family, and just because we leave L.A., it doesn't mean that we're leaving them."
Tina: "It'll be a fresh start. It'll be a new city. It's gonna be so exciting."
+
Riese: [as Bette] "You call those teenagers our friends? Who needs enemies."
Carly: [as Bette]"Our friends are lame. We need new ones."
Riese:
[as Bette] "Our friends are our family, like my Dad. He was mean to me and now he's dead."
A;ex: "Riese! I swear to G-d."

I Don't Really Care For Your City Anymore
They cutely remember that they have to apply for schools starting now. Good luck ladies, the NYC school situation for upwardly mobile beautiful power lesbians like yourself is brutal, you are gonna be really happy you went for a mixed-race baby. Although there's a spin-off I'd like to see. Welcome Back Porter, like Welcome Back Kotter, which I've never seen, but it rhymes with Porter sort of. In the pilot I want Bette to unleash a can of whoopass upon a Duane Reade cashier.

There's a man on the stage and Kit is on the alert. What the hell, it's Soy Bomb, he's gonna hijack the show. Guess who it is okay I'll tell you it's that drag queen but not wearing drag.

++
No, that's Kit, she's a woman, she just dresses like that.
+
it's THIS GUY:

Sunset: "You know me as Sunset Boulevard. But my real name is Sonny Benson--"
Carly: "... and I'm here to recruit you."
Riese: "Oh my god they have no idea what straight people do, do they?"
Carly: "Oh my god, no idea."

Sonny: "But my real name is Sonny Benson, and I'm a straight man who loves his gay and lesbian family. And I hope you can still accept me."

Tonight You Can't Put Him Up on Any Shelf

Though there are no people visible who are actually applauding, the sound editor has added massive rousing applause. HURRAH! Drink! You know the Little Red Riding Hood stripper back there is gonna have a little Citron.

Kit's pissed that she told him things she'd never tell a man who was wearing men's clothing. I think Kit needs glasses. Sonny tells Kit that she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and he'd like nothing more than to take her to dinner and get to know her better. Kit don't need no dinner. She already ATE, bitch. This is the fourth person who's doggedly pursued Kit and actively ached to explore her nether regions; declaring love in public places, writing songs and sending 50 bouquets of flowers. Yet this has never -- not once -- happened to Alice. That makes me sad. This also happens to Tinkerbell all the time:
Kit leaves, probs to take a nap and then come back and face this situation head on, directly to the forehead.


Welcome Home
The bus pulls up and Tina and Bette wait anxiously and cutely, like something good is about to happen. Maybe Marcie missed the bus. Speaking of Kriss-Kross.

Marcie's Baby is in that bag, don't let the wig fool you ladies!
+

Sperm Donor, anyone? I'd like to touch his arms, steal his sunglasses, etc.
+

Bette checks her messages. No dice. Look's like it's Max's baby or no baby, baby.
Carly: "They're like America, wearing blue and red."
Riese: "Maybe she had her baby on the bus."
Carly:
"Bette looks like she works for the bus."
I can't even show you a screenshot of their faces waiting for Marci because the hope in their eyes is so full that it makes me want to cry, and one must save one's tears for the last couple standing. Tina should pretend the flowers are for Bette, then they can go home and make love. We're a bit relieved Marci's not coming -- that was another unnecessary loose end for next week.

Back at the dance, Tasha and Alice are hugging each other and swaying. Alice looks sad. You know who else looks sad? Us. Why. Alice. Come on. Her best friend already died of Chaiken Cancer. OurChart died. She's been left by four women that we know of. She won't even be able to bury herself in volunteer work, 'cause Jamie runs the center, or write her treatment, 'cause Jenny already did, or go to work, 'cause she got fired, or hang out with her friends, 'cause they're moving to New York and Shane is being a weirdo.

Alice:
"I want you to know I've never loved you more ... and I want you to be happy. Do you wanna be with Jamie?
+

Tasha:
"I don't -- I don't know her ... "
[The right answer is: "We enjoy playing raquetball together."]
+

Alice:
[interrupts] "It's okay."
Tasha:
"... very well."
[pause]
Tasha: "I'm not ready to let you go."
++
[Good, 'cause Alice needs to auto-win SOMETHING tonight. Hold on, baby, hold on.]

Sunny Hoo-ha announces "we have our last couple standing."
My heart hurts.
I hope The Farm doesn't get picked up. Alice in jail = major heartbreak.

The Round-Up:
Lesbian Sexy Moments: 1 this ep, 10 total

Lesbian Squabbles: 2 this ep, 27 total

Quote of the Week: Tasha & Bette

On a scale of 1 to 10: Shoop shoop a-doobie like Scoobie Doobie Doo - 7.5.

Muppet Face #1

+


Muppet Face #2.
+
And once more for good measure?

LOVE IT. love it, can't get enough of it.

32 comments:

  1. Anonymous said...

    Love your recaps.  

  2. Anonymous said...

    Tasha/Alice Scene:

    Alice: I want you to know I've- I've never loved you more. I want you to be happy. Do you want to be with Jaime?

    Tasha: I don't.. [looks down] I don't know her...

    Alice: [Interrupts] It's okay.

    Tasha: ... very well.

    Tasha: I'm not ready to let you go.

    Sunset Boulevard: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our last couple standing.  

  3. caitlinmae said...

    OMG wait what's the deal with the floor humping, i thought this was the recap for "Everybody Loves Raymond"?

    That is going to be my new background, I could watch those tushies for hours.

    a;ex, your haircut is a muppety dream.

    Esmerelda- I noticed Riese confused your gender again in this recap. Are you cool with that? Alice is cool with ambiguity, she dated that Lisa guy.

    I had so many feelings about this episode, but very few of those feelings involved throwing my computer into the ocean, as they did in 606.

    I must say, I was more than a little disappointed by the Tibette dance... I was expecting leg warmers, I got sexy touchings. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Alice/Tasha/Jamie actually had dance moves.  

  4. Vashti said...

    I like recaps. And. I think that maybe, just maybe, I actually really liked this episode. Forget the fact that I wanted to shoot myself because of the line dance scene [or some reason I just could NOT pause at the right time for the life of me. ALSO, I had a picture of that but clearly it didn't make the cut. I see how it is].

    Lalalalalalalala.

    This episode needed a hug.  

  5. Elizabeth said...

    I'm too sad about Alice and Tasha to talk about anything... And I actually felt bad for Nikki (who looked really good this episode)...

    But here's this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNvzHLYUlJ4  

  6. Edilma said...

    As I said last night when I watched the episode:

    I HATE IFC!!!!!!!!!

    Be MY girlfriend Alice, I'll treat you right :P  

  7. Sarah said...

    1.) Awh. I miss old Jenny. And her doily dress. There's actually a sweetness there that I really miss.

    2.) Greyhounds are really sketchy. I took one from OR to GA once. The last leg of the trip, I got stalked by a Guatemalan man. Lucky me.

    3.) The finger puppet (fuppet?) made me LOL.

    4.) That Jenny moment was epic.

    5.)"This is the fourth person who's doggedly pursued Kit and actively ached to explore her nether regions; declaring love in public places, writing songs and sending 50bouquets of flowers. Yet this has never -- not once -- happened to Alice. That makes me sad."

    So true. Unless you count the supercute designer girl. I had kind of hoped that they would have something. Guess not.

    Woo. One more left. Great as always, Riese.  

  8. Alexi said...

    hungry eyes.. HAH!! Loved that.
    I'm not really a Tibetter.. but i'm a Better. and i admit that Tina was pretty darn hot in this episode too.. so yes I was sitting on a towel.

    I REALLY enjoyed this episode. I was pleased. and sweating a little.  

  9. amos said...

    I am gonna miss reading your recaps. I wish I would discovered your blog sooner. ITA, Riese about a whole DVD of the Tibette dance. Yo whatz up with cutting dance of hotness 2.0. I hate IFC for how much she has slighted Tibetters in the last 6 years. Sorry, I am bitter. I would sell my kidney to get a whole DVD of uncut Tibette sex. I really enjoyed the whole part with Jenny buying Nikki, only cause I really despise Nikki and think she should have went to vortex along with Jodi.  

  10. Anonymous said...

    Riese,

    I know it is hard on you to write these recaps for four days. You still look good with no sleep.

    I am here to tell you that your four days spent on recaps are are worth it and that it takes me that long if not longer to read your recaps. I read them so thoroughly that I find you are my time sucker of life. Not only do I read your recaps & look at the screencaps, I am also educated with videos and websites for charities. This week i went to green's website and was sucked into the votex. When I was done I thought how did I get here? Oh yeah I am reading Riese's recaps. We must also not forget how my knowledge of poetry has shot up 100%. Of course, we started at 0%. Oh well, there was that poetry class in college I slept through.

    My point to this ramble is Thank You Riese and I am sorry we are breaking up after the next episode. I will miss our long talks. (though one-sided on your part).

    Samslashes  

  11. Alessandra M. said...

    The fact that you also referenced "Shoop" in your recap while adding your own flavor to it...makes this officially my favorite blog ever!

    Great recap as always!! And I totally think Alice, Tasha, and Jamie should've won, even though Tibette was sexy as always!  

  12. Lex said...

    Hey Riese!

    If you'll have me I'd be able to do your screen caps this week. I'm an journalism student and I'm all about any little "internship" here and there. I'd love to witness the process of auto-recapping and helping you get your last one done on time.

    my email is asw299@nyu.edu

    thanks!
    Lex  

  13. K said...

    This was a great recap.
    I actually laughed out loud a few times.
    And now is when I am glad my cat was the only thing/person around to judge me.

    Thanks for taking the time to do this riese.. the 4 days were worth it, great job.

    And now I am off to cry about Alice and Tasha.  

  14. carlytron said...

    every time death pops up in the corner I LOL for real-reals.

    this episode's weak and inconceivable moments were overshadowed by the costume changes and dance numbers. which is fiiiiine by me. alice broke my heart though.

    the .gif of the dancing is GENIUS.

    I think Esmerelda is going to have a lot of feelings about the finale...  

  15. McKenzie said...

    Amazing recap as usual Riese!
    :)

    some of my favorite scenes...

    -The line dancing/gossip talking...Yes! everyone did look cute! Omg, Jenny is adorable! ugggghhhh<333

    -Alice, Tasha, & Jamie's dance was hilarious & amazing!

    -When Jenny called out Shane about fucking Niki in the bathroom, ouch! Shane straight up got owned!

    I honestly hate Shane's character this season, b/c I'm a Shenny fan, & I thought this season was going to be all about them...but for some reason - their relationship is all fucked up now :(




    Oh yeah, i dunno if it's the plaid top or maybe I just have this all of a sudden crush...but ALEX, YOU'RE FUCKING HOT!
    like seriously.
    sorry, I just had to throw that out there :)  

  16. MLE said...

    Did I miss something? Wasn't Niki all worried about being "outed" last season and losing her career? Now, not a night goes by when she's not kickin' it at Club Hit. Where's her manager/handler? Are we forgetting about the negatives for good now? How did Jenny decide that 15 was a good number for hair clips? Did Sounder die AGAIN? Sigh.

    I think Helena said Bridget Christianson. It sounds about right. Plus, the idea of someone with my last name (even if it can't be me) snogging Helena Peabody makes my day just a little bit brighter.

    Bette and Tina's dance was one of the hottest things I've ever seen on this show. I've always liked them as a couple, but now after that scene I love them together. Probs a little too late.

    There was way too big of a gasp at the "reveal" of Sunset sans dress. Kit sure likes people in drag. Also, I wore that exact same silver, beaded headdress thing in my high school's production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Joseph's coat also looked a lot like those rainbow curtains. Wow, looking back, that show was pretty gay.

    My heart breaks for Alice, even though I've never liked Tasha.

    That's all. Great recap, Riese.  

  17. Anna said...

    MLE, I too find it funny how the Niki-in-the-closet storyline has hardly been touched on once this whole season except for when they talked about changing the ending for Lez Girls. I think it may be influenced by the fact that Lohan (who Niki is quite widely rumoured to be based on and who Riese has a made a few references to in the recaps when talking about Niki) came out last year and is still out right now. Niki doesn't really seem in the closet though in terms of all the girls she's hitting on. With characters like Niki, it's very easy for them to fall into cliches and stereotypes and basically just become a cartoon and I think that's what's happened with Niki this season. Angela Robinson seems to be the only director who can direct Kate French and write Niki in such a way that Niki doesn't come across as a cartoon. I would like to have seen Niki come out but it doesn't seem like it will happen unless of course she does it next episode.  

  18. Anonymous said...

    Funny and insightful recap, thanks Riese!

    Jodi sucks and she had no place in this episode. Her dance was totally irrelevant to anything. Why does she keep shredding Bette's dignity to top it all off? IC is bitter her pet ship didn't work out, we get it already.

    TiBette were so hot, and so beautiful together. Alice-Tasha-Jamie's dance was so much fun. Shenny were as cringeworthy on the dance floor as they are off it.  

  19. Calmax said...

    Ah Riese, your "quiet genius" makes me laugh, cry and swoon at the same time. The animated .gif of the "Push It" dance is genius - props! Word! (Ok c'mon you know that is retro slang circa "Push It").

    What to say about this ep.? I don't really care about Jenny anymore, so Shane being stereotypical "Shane" f'ing Nikki in the bathroom was not suprising at all - the only possible char. development we got of Shane was when her and Paige were perhaps gonna have a family when Shane had her lil' bro to possibly adopt...after that - Shane blew that by doing the Real Estate agent in the house her & Paige were gonna rent together as a "happy family" - remember that? So yes, this is IC's typical (put me in a box with this character) for Shane - poor Kate Moennig - she can do so much more than play flat, emotionally void characters!

    As for Jenny - well, - that comeback @ Shane suprised the hell outta me - but honestly, I think it's more of her unravelling - Shane is the one "thing" in her life who hasn't dissed her as a friend, and she's trying desperately to hang onto her, do or die - so hence, she will even buy Shane a "beeatch" in Nikki for $25,000 and somehow upstage Bette, Tina, & Alice by donating the largest amount at a charitable event while still managing to bring her trashy drama out for all the hear....


    Bette is gonna get sharked by Jenny somehow - cuz you know and I know that somehow Jenny miraculously got the adopted girl's e-mail, and send the photos of Bette cheating (however implausible that may be) and THAT is the reason the gal didn't come to live with Bette & Tina - cuz apparently the drinking step-dad and trailer trash life she has is sooo much better than living with those "cheating lesbians" - *sigh* - so sad.

    Bette shoulda woulda coulda told Tina that night cuz Jenny is chomping at the bit to tell Tina with a photo that looks "compromising" and by Bette saying nada, it looks like she's guilty.

    Yeah, Jodi judging Bette is like the pot calling the kettle black - i.e. - like Jerry Springer judging Madonna....like... you get the point...

    TiBette were SO adorable & sexy dancing together - too bad they had to interrupt this scene with bad editing of Shane and Nikki doing it in the can, and Dylena re-uniting - although I'm glad Helena has been saved from a life of the bottle of a bottle by Dylan coming back - lol. I never believed THAT storyline!

    And Kit - yeah - Kit? You are sexually confused - you're always attracted to men/women in drag - you like drag queens/kings - why is that? Some Dr. Phil examining of yo'self may be in order (and yes, I hate Dr. Phil - does everyone know that he's not EVERN a licensed pyschiatrist/pyschologist? - that tidbit brought to you by my Psychology Professor)...

    Anyway...


    LOVE the TIBETTE dance - I was still wanting more more more! "How do you like it? How do you like it? (TiBette) - MORE MORE MORE!" *sigh*

    The Alice, Tasha, Jamie "Push It" was great too....'cept why does poor Alice always get her poor heart broken...? I want her to be happy...


    The line dance WAS adorably cute and everyone looked cute & sexy....even Shane...LOL @ "Bette Tina, you can't leave me alone with Jenny!"

    And hey has anyone thought that there's another possibility at who killed Jenny? SOUNDER!! Jenny has been ignoring that poor lil' mutt, and he has finally had his revenge for the lack of Kibbles & Bits - arf!

    Either that, or I'm sticking with Dana's ghost drowning Jenny for being such a beeatch to Alice.

    Or Jenny suiciding - that would SO be Jenny wouldn't it? Framing someone for her murder/drowning, and really she took some pills and drowed herself? So everyone could cry over her? That would be Jenny - keeping in with the tragic writer/suicidal storyline....very F. Scott Fitzgerald a la Great Gatsby - dammit - they stole this plot from my favourite book!!! It's GATSBY!!! Jenny is Daisy!!! Why didn't I see this before???


    Love ya Riese - you're secretly a smokin' hot genius...

    Oh, and my stuffed lil' Reindeer Rudy wants to cuddle with Fitzmonster....  

  20. Guls said...

    They6 were hot! They were cute!

    But is it the ep. before the last that we spent on the dance floor?

    I don't get it IFC, I don't get it :S

    P.S: the referral to veiny cock at planetcast was cute ;)  

  21. stef said...

    thank you for that bette/jenny scene from way back when and thank robin for the tasha "thinking is cheating" quote, because it is your thoroughness that makes these recaps worthwhile. also, the salt n pepa gif.

    poor shane, she was thwarted.. that move has worked on every other woman ever, but jenny's like relationship teflon! undumpable! i almost feel like shane's gonna drown jenny just to get her to back off.  

  22. Billie_Blaikie said...

    ive never liked tascha and now with the whole jamie thing i am never going to like her either. anyway, i think it reeeally sucked that they cut to dylena and shikki while tibette were dancing. why would they do that. chaiken's being a real bitch lately. she just would not give the fans what they want. i don't know but what's a show without fans. keep them satisfied for christ's sake.
    i think im gonna stop watching this show after ep 608:p
    anyway, great recap again!
    are you gonna recap s1+2 for us fans *puppy eyes*?  

  23. ejw said...

    while reading this, i would get these random urges to break out into a salt-n-pepa song, and i love you for that! great job as always!  

  24. a;ex said...

    the tango reiterated that Jenny and Shane make such a handsome couple indeed - too bad 'Shenny' had to happen like this.
    Shane is confusing me.

    I'm SO happy that we got some animated .gif action in these recaps before the shit hits the fan on Sunday. Holler.

    I agree with whomever it was that said you were a "smokin' hot genius". The level of meticulousness at which you operate with this shit is un-fucking-believable.

    Thanks, Caitlinmae! We're all muppets a little bit, aren't we?

    I'm sure McKenzie has confused me for Carly, who wears plaid tops and is fucking hot. Just throwing that out there.  

  25. Leah said...

    I just wanted to say, in the most unobsessed and unstalkerish way, thank you to Riese for seriously putting in countless hours of work for her fans and avid readers every week. "No one ever gets the flowers while they can still smell 'em". We never say thank you because we've been reading these recaps so long (was it Season 4 I found you? 5?) that we forget that this shit doesn't just write itself. Riese you are an amazing writer, thinker, storyteller and hoodie-wearer. I am dead serious when I say that I am so glad I found your blog by accident one day while on the L Word website.

    And to the commenter who said that her time was almost done with Riese because the show is ending, KEEP READING HER BLOG! It's amazing and I seriously look forward to reading it every day, as much as I look forward to talking to a good friend or meeting them for coffee.

    Thank you on behalf of everyone who reads what you write, whether it be about L Word or your personal stories of triumph and/or failures. You may not let us all the way into your heart/brain, but you definitely open the door and at least let us see in through the breezeway...

    Your friends are also awesome for their neverending support of your work, and for sitting through Season 6 with us all and making all those funny faces.

    I miss what L Word meant to me and my other bi/lesbian friends when we first met these characters 6 years ago. I guess your recaps have been filling that void for me for a while and it's one of the reasons I kept watching. I'm half glad half sad that I saw this thing through to the bitter end.

    My gf has missed the last 2 eps and said to me last night, "Where is Adele?" I didnt even have an answer for her. And so goes TFS.

    I think, and boy do I hope, that Jenny kills herself. It's fitting, which is the reason why it prob WON'T be the case (why would we see anything that made sense). If it's not that, it looks to me like there is at least an attempt to save Jenny in that Shane is wet and wrapped in a towel when the hot coroner/investigator/warrior princess shows up. Or did Shane kill her because of the Molli letter withholding thing? G-d I can't wait for the Molli comeback/aftermath.

    Then I was thinking last night maybe they all conspire to kill her and then cover it up all together to make it look like an accident/suicide. That's just too way over the top, but who there on that couch wouldn't like to see her dead? I guess that's not gonna happen, but it would be great if it did. It would make them the winners in the end though, but you know Jenny is gonna come out the victor in her own death in some way.

    I just can't wait to see what we've been waiting for all season. I hope it doesn't get too fucked up like everything else.

    {btw, no haters this week. You scared em off...Rawr!!}  

  26. MoonKiller said...

    I regret to inform you that i only skim-read this because i'm so tired my head hurts and my heart hurts too because of Alice's face in those last few screencaps.

    'We never change, do we? We never learn, do we?', Coldplay right?

    Also, you're hilarious as ever.  

  27. Anonymous said...

    Great Recap Riese!!!

    I think Jenny got her hair fixed for her death, it seems to all be the same length now, thank god! And how hot did mia look in that hat?

    One thought came to my mind and I don't know why it hadn't dawned on me before- is Jenny not allergic to dogs? But she has a dog!

    And i agree with everything you said about Shane! She's a Cretin! (is that what Haviland says?) Anyway, needless to say I loved Jenny in this episode and hated Shane; the problem is Jenny is smart and can out-wit Shane and actully probably knows Shane better than Shane knows herelf! yep!

    Loved the Tibette and Alice scenes! I hope Tasha nad Alice do split up! Alice was far more fun without her! Just saying!

    look forward to the last recap in a sad not looking forward to it being the last recap sort of way!

    EM  

  28. Vashti said...

    Meeeeeeeeeep. I want to be an intern again but I am SO on the wrong coast. Terrible face D:  

  29. emily said...

    I would love to be apart of the final recap. I'm on w135th. Let me know.
    iamemilymiller@gmail.com  

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