La la la la la la. L word L Word L Word. Shane Shane Shane Shane Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny. Kill kill kill kill. Bette Bette Bette Tina Tina Tina. Let's make it like The Gauntlet this year. We'll be on teams, and an exec board will determine point distribution at each episode's end. Like Team Shenny, Team "TiBette" (not to be confused with the country, which's quite different), Team Sholly ... Sharmen obvs, but those kids haven't had a good season in a while. RIP Danish. Team Dylena, Talice ... you know. JoBette. Um, who did Max date? Tax? KitTOE? Mace? Paine? HellKat? Jiki? Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sarimbo Hari Kari Bushkie Perry Pem Do? Those are the lyrics to EZ Girl's next single. You read it here first. Today I'm going to talk to you about feelings.
I got really upset when I learned all the remaining episode titles and none of them were "LL Cool J," starring LL Cool J, which is what I thought this show was eventually going to be about. I sat through Bette's meditation retreat, Jenny's poetry and Henry's toenails waiting for Ladies Love Cool James. Sigh.
We're going to be transitioning to a new site within the next week or two [previous deadline: today], so stay tuned for that, it'll automatically redirect at one point but just like be excitant.
Anyhow let's go!
(now now now now now)
Carly: You know what would be fucking awesome?
Carly: If they got some random hot celebrity lesbian icon to be in the last season of The L Word, like -- like -- as a guest role --
Riese: Oh my G-d, I'm totally feeling you--
Carly: And they could be like a cop or something -- and be like in the very first scene --
Riese: Yeah like if Xena the Warrior Princess stepped out of that car --
[Lucy Lawless steps out of the car]
Carly & Riese: OMG OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAD NO IDEA LUCY LAWLESS!!!
I Was Told I'd Find my Fan Base Here?
This is that show no one actually likes but everyone has to watch out of homosexual obligation, right? Anyone? Ah There They Are!
Xena the Warrior Princess has gone to Police Academy and now she's at Casa Bettina. I guess someone died. I wonder who it was. Probs Angus, did you ever like that dude? Yeah me neither. There's been plenty of logical spaces to insert a murder over the last four years, why this, and now? E.g., if someone had murdered Season Two Mark, that'd explain his sudden undiscussed absence. God I'm obsessed with that kid! VANISHED! Like a Cipher in the Snow! Where's his lesbian icon superheroine?
Anyhow ... you know the drill: body found in the pool, ladies inside, a bottle of wine, some sort of party. If you missed the first two minutes, do yourself a favor and kill yourself right now. Jenny did. JK, dunno who killed her but I've got a new theory -- self-defense. The L-Word Ladies aren't killers but Jenny coulda gone off the deep end (no pun intended) (totally intended) and tried to off one of them, and one must defend oneself. These girls don't look too upset, this isn't exactly Sitting Shivah.
You know, the more I watch this (many times) the more it seems like either all these actors are bad actors, or all these characters are acting. You get my drift? Srsly think about it.
Sooo ... anyone wanna grab a cheeseburger and hit the cemetery?
Sgt. Xena is gonna have to ask the ladies a few questions. MMM hmm. Shane'll go first, the evidence is inside her vaginal canal, let's get this show on the road! Good thing they brought Angie out for all this. That girl's not gonna have enough questions for her future therapist as it is.
Riese: "Angelica was "asleep at the time of the incident." Not exactly a rock-solid alibi."
Carly: "What if Angelica was like, 'I'm just here to help guys!', with a little Fisher Price fingerprint duster."
OH MY FUCKING GOD! IT'S JENNY! IT'S JENNY SHE'S DEAD YOU GUYS!
Everyone is doing a really pathetic job of looking "shocked" in this photo.
This show's persistent employment of "The Way that We Live" reminds us immediately THAT NO ONE CARES WHAT WE WANT. Regardless, if you look really closely (and I'm sure many of you have), not only do you see that all these people are one-dimensional (I know, it's teevee, but you know what I'm talking about, do nice), but that Jenny is fully SKIPPING her way through the intro. Skipping her way towards DEATH, is more like it.
This is The Way it's the Way That We Skip
Ladies and M-T-Ladies, I've something quite special to bestow upon you today. I'll update it periodically throughout the season. For example, it's possible I'll soon add Adele to the Vortex, or perhaps remove someone ... someone ... spicy ... really really really. Actually what I need is a Vortex intern. Your PSD awaits.
IT'S THE VORTEX!
Back to the show ...
Carly: "If there's one thing this show is, it's thorough."Jenny gives her speech, says she's in love with someone ...
Caitlin: "They always tie everything right up ..."
Jenny: I am madly in love with someone ...
Robin: HERSELF.Shane eats Nikki's vagina, everyone clap clap clap (not the STD, the emotive gesture), Adele is a cunt, they're changing the ending of the movie to be a boy-girl love story, everyone's livid, woman bake me a pie, Jenny tells Shane "you broke my heart" except maybe she was talking to Nikki (obvs she was talking to Shane), NOW it's time for a car chase!
Lesbian Squabble #1: All My Promises Are Out the Window When You're Gone
In the Ring: Shane's hot on Jenny's trail with Nikki in the rear w/her driver.
Game On: Serious car-chase. Shane says "fuck" alot, Jenny ignores Shane's calls & looks possesed. Jenny, head-start enabled, wins by a hair, leaving Shane locked out & pounding on the door as she so often does and Nikki clattering up behind her like a lost but very attractive and expensively adorned puppy.
Who's In YOUR Top 5?
Les-Squab #1 To Be Continued ...
Lesbian Squabble #2: Baby it Seems We Never Ever Agree, You Like Cute Scooters, and I Like Humvees.
In the Ring: Alice vs. Tasha
Tasha just thinks they're too different for it to work, and says she'll save Alice the trouble of breaking up with her by furiously packing her large canvas bag. Actually, breaking up isn't much trouble, Alice could've just changed her status on OurChart. Oh, sorry. RIP OurChart. Is it too soon? It's too soon.
Carly: "I got my army regulation bag and my army regulation stuff--"
Riese: "And that black dress you made me wear for that fucking ridiculous promo shoot for your stupid show--"
I Take Things Serious, and You Take 'Em Light
Alice: "It made me think twice about taking her advice."
Tasha: "So Shane gave you romantic advice?"
Alice: "Oh come on you know we talk about everything --"
Tasha: "And you actually thought about taking it."
On the Night I Die I Swear I'll Sleep Outside Your Chainlocked Door
Oz: "Couldn't Shane just slide through that chainlock?"
Carly: "She could definitely pull a Crispin Glover."
Back at Casa Bettina .. the star couple is in a panic! Baby Angie is CONGESETED! When my gay Mom is congested, she just honks her shnoz right there in public, they should teach Angie to do that, give her some soup, and call it a night. Or not.
Um, I'm Gonna Have to Consult Kristy's Rules of the Baby-sitter's Club for that one ... "Advil Four Hours ago!"
Carly: "Who the fuck is that?"The babysitter gave Angelica some Advil, the babysitter takes her final bow, the babysitter exits. Tina's just so fucking furious about the film! Tina thinks it's too late to call William and share her feelings, but Bette argues that William's often called her at 3 A.M.. Tina says he pays her paycheck, Bette says that doesn't give him more rights than her, which's actually not true. For example, I believe J-Beals did not pick her own glittery bird of the wild for this scene, 'cause she's the payee. Or I hope not.
Alex: "WHAT? A new character?"
Riese: "It's just the babysitter. She's white and she doesn't have a disability or represent a marginalized group, so these'll be her only lines I'm sure."
Alex: "If she was Puerto Rican ..."
Carly: "Or in a wheelchair ..."
Cait: "Then we'd be talkin'."
Bette: "From everything you've told me, William responds to strength of conviction.
I think that you need to tell him how deeply you feel about this without Adele standing there batting her eyelashes at him."
Tina (in Bette-induced power trance): "He'll respect it ..."
So What I Lie, I Lie to Me Too
The benevolent old couple, one of them still disturbingly adorned in aforementioned gigantic sparkly butterfly shirt, spot the young tender Shane outside pounding on Jenny's window. These children and their drama! Tina wouldn't blame Jenny if she never talked to Shane again, Bette thinks Tina's being too hard on Shane, and just before this squab becomes a squabble, they maturely decide not to discuss the topic any further. I bet they learned that in therapy. Jenny, Shane, Potato, Potahto, Worst Thing Ever, Best Thing Ever, let's call the whole thing off. TOMATO! I'M A BANANA!
Carly: "I'm not into Tina but I gotta say Tina looks good --"
Riese: "Yeah she does with that JAW surgery. But you don't need a girl to talk, just look pretty and shut up --"
Carly: "She always talks like that ... "(goes on)
Robin: "You know what's weird? I've totally never been into Bette even though everyone is -- "
Riese: "You know personally me neither, like I get why people do and she's hot but personally -- "
A;ex: "OH MY GOD JENNIFER BEALS I have ALWAYS loved Bette --"
Carly (hasn't stopped talking yet) ... Oh I LOVE Bette although that shirt --
Cait: "Do you have any more feelings you'd like to share, Carly?"
Carly: "I have a LOT, actually, I have a lot of feelings and my number one feeling is sparkly butterfly."
I'm forever under lock and key as you pass through me
So I feel like Jenny was in a strange power trance through Season Five. When she got her comeuppance and was booted off set she decided to let herself have real feelings again, which is frightening to her, which's why she only gets involved with people it could never last with. She decides to have real feelings and was rejected immediately, and the blow to her meglomaniac ego was so strong she's gearing up now for another manic high of destruction. Someone get this girl some Depakote stat, for real.
Lesbian Squabble #3: I Know These Habits Hurt Important parts of You
In the Ring: Nikki wants Jenny to listen to what 'we' have to say, Shane objects strongly to the royal we -- "It's just me, there is no we" -- particularly when Nikki's emotional urgency is interrupted by a text message. "Oh no, poor Tiffy!" she exclaims. Basically still Shane vs. Jenny.
Who won the last one? It was a tie, so they're still going.
Jenny's reaction to Nikki's Nikkiness: PRICELESS.
Nikki, stop it with the talking.
Jenny: (poltergeisty) "I did say that."
QUOTE OF THE WEEK GOES TO SHANE:
"Look, I realize I've done a lot of fucked up shit in my life, I realize that, but this is by far the most fucked up thing I have ever done."
Shane: "And for some reason in my fucked up brain (points at head, location of said brain) that gave me permission and I know that breakups take time, and that you need that time to heal, and I know that (channels Dr. Phil) I've encroached on your time to do that and I am sorry. So you tell me--"
Jenny: (wiping her eyes) "Oh God."
Shane: "What can I do. I will eat dirt --"
This is the last honest love I'll ever give
This is a fantastic idea! I mean, how many times has this happened to you, and you've been like, "OMG! I've got all this dirt in my fridge I've been meaning to throw out, but it'd be way easier for everyone if you just like ate it." I'd need a better offer personally. Will you do my dishes? Drive me around while I drink cocktails? Back massage every night for three weeks? Do my L Word Screencaps, be my intern? Hey, Big Spender!
Shane: "... I'll crawl on glass ..." (Oh even better! Someone's gotta do it!)
Nikki: "I mean me too Jenny I will even drink that Spirulina disgusting stuff for an entire week -- I promise you --" (Wow.)
I'll tell you now, I guess like I should have told you then
Jenny's eyes are all sadness 'cause Shane's not gonna say what she wants to hear -- that improbable burning possibility that Shane loves her back like how Jenny loves Shane. I think Shane might be evolving? Emotionally? Like, as a human. As a communicator, a friend, as a person.
Shane: "My only explanation ... not an excuse ... is that I've been upset about Molly ..."
Jenny: "MOLLY? Why?"
Shane: "She gave me hope -- she -- she -- she inspired me --"
Jenny: "What?!! She inspired you to fuck my girlfriend on the balustrade of Yamashiro? "
Shane: "I didn't fuck your girlfriend."
Nikki: "Yeah Jenny, she only ate me out."
Jenny [amazing facial expressions]: Oh -- right -- okay --- of course -- I'm so stupid!
Oz: "Run Shane Run!"
Riese: "Shane's not afraid of death! This is pussy shit!"
I Need to Be
Carly: "How much shit has been thrown in this house?"
Riese: "I'm surprised they still have light and glasses to drink out of."
I Go Home Early and You Party All Night
Our Friends Are Sayin' We Ain't Gonna Last
Tasha: "It was exciting and hot to you when I was a soldier, but we have nothing in common."
Or you know. Just kiss?
cuz you move slowly, and baby we're fast!
Not today! Not on Rex Manning Day!
Angelica Has Two Sexy Mommies
Now There's Just No Point in Reaching Out To Me
Bette reminds us that Shane hasn't talked about being in love with someone since Carmen and we all take a timeout to remember Carmen DeLaPicaMorales, goddess of television and the chief officer of the Universe of hotness.
Er, I Just Called to Say I Love You?
P.S. Where's Lover Cindy?
Kit: "Kit Helena ... Kit Helena ... Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit, the hit club, hit, it's a hit -- it's a hit, it's hit me -- girl it's hit club! Girl where you been!?"
[One of the many rules of Kittisms is that a Kittism always includes this specific vocal pitch pattern:
and that one certainly does. She goes up on "Girl where you been?"]
Carly: "Um, how about Hel-Kat?"
Riese: "Wow. That is genuinely a really good idea, that's a hot club name."
Carly: "HELLO! Untapped resource over here. Fountain of ideas. Just waiting."
(photo by robin roemer)
Tina's lecture to Shane on thinking before she acts isn't going over so well with Bette. It's been vergin' on Lez-Squab territory for a few scenes now, let's just make it official.
Lesbian Squabble #5: I Can't Forget What You've Forgotten
In the Ring: Tina vs. Bette
Bette: "We all have to take into account a lot of things before we can judge anyone else's behavior."
Tina: "I think that your unwillingness to judge has a lot more to do with your own history than any accommodation that you might make for Shane."
Riese: "C'mon Tina Cybersexathon, wtf? Henry, anyone?"
Carly: "That's the pot calling the kettle slutty. Write that down. Trademark Carly."
|From L Word|
Alice continues digging her own grave by talking about the super-fun talks she'd have with the cute girl from Heavenly Creatures and how they had super neat-o things to talk about.
(Where Does the Good Go?)
I like living quiet, but you've gotta shout
The door buzzes ... it's SHANE with her Whole Foods bag containing her pleather pants, a few wifebeaters, contact solution and a sandwich for later. Alice is like listen up, it's been a rough night for me and Ta-Ta, I gots to right some wrongs, you can't stay here. And then Tasha "Flash" bolts out the door faster than that blonde chick on Heroes. But still no one can fly, foods are not always whole, and Shane must go on. One day Shane will reach Helen of Troy, and all the land will rejoice. La di-da.
Tasha's gonna get on her bike and BUST this pop stand. Medals for not kissing, bah!
Robin: "I'm gonna be more "butch" somewhere!"
Carly: "I'm gonna go earn some medals somewhere!"
Alice has to go catch Robocop!
But when we get together it ocassionaly works out
Alice is HOT ON HER TRAIL! It's the BIG CAR CHASE EPISODE! WHO WILL WIN THE GOLDEN GAUNTLET OF GIRLS GIRLS LOMG! I'm inventing a word. It's LOMG. It's when you are LOLing about how many OMG moments there are in The L WTF'in Word.
Soooo back at Jenny's castle, Good Molly has crossed the moat and stands on the doorstep of the highest tower in the land.
Jenny descends. Molly is wearing a $165 t-shirt, Jenny is wearing a bra and, I believe, a small skirt. This is definitely not going to go well for either of our brave knights a'courting Shane of the Green Lantern. Molly says she has come for Shane because she loves her. She then continues that her name is Hiro Nakamura and she is here to save the world. Jenny doesn't believe her, so they return to speaking about Molly's feelings for Shane.
Maybe She Would've Been Something I'd Be Good At
Jenny: "You know that it's Shane's MO to make girls fall in love with her."
Molly: "Yes I know that but I also know that what we have is different."
Jenny: "And you also know that when girls do that they want Shane to be constrianed into like a happy family and like a marriage type of relationship and that's not gonna happen--"
Molly: "Yeah I don't wanna constrain her, I love her for who she is so if you could just tell me when she's gonna be back."
Hug it Out.
Molly gives Jenny Shane's jacket and a letter to give to Shane. Huh.
You Should've Called. Call! Called. Call it Off!
Obvs as soon as Molly's out the door Jenny is ready to unwrap that sucker and read the hell out of it. She begins smiling, an expression which I think means either: 1. I'm evil and psychotic, 2. Oh, Poor Molly, 3. Oh. It looks like I am suffering from a serious mental illness. I guess that's why they sent me to the hospital for six months between Seasons Two and Three. Six months! That's a really long time. I guess it would be neat if the show could address the story of someone who I think is possibly bipolar (the manic highs -- the shopping, the destruction and obsessions, the megalomania, the extremes -- the lows -- the cutting, the falling to pieces over Tim, the sad wallowing Holocaust hoo-ha) or maybe has Antisocial Personality Disorder, and if so, it's sort of just unraveling in a logistical sense for the first time, as it's only ever affected emotional realities until she got professional power. Now that she has it, it's manifesting differently. I mean she suffered serious sexual abuse, talk about mistreating a sensitive subject Ilene. For real! You told us that Jenny was RAPED when she was a little girl. That's super- serious material to take on, and you did a really fucking shitty job with it Ilene. Anyhow probs Jenny should see a psychiatrist. Oh, I know, instead let's pretend like none of that stuff matters, and just hate Jenny. Booo!
Molly's Letter:"In your eyes I see things i know I cannot touch, I know not to reach for them, I let them touch me.
And I cherish these moments that we're able to share, however fleeting they may be."
I'm Just Gonna Put this Up Here with the Flowers.
Robin: "They just did this scene for the camera angles."
Jenny/Ilene we are collectively unimpressed.
Bette's shirt looked bad enough in dim lighting, this blue hospital thing isn't gonna do anyone any favors. I guess she'd be able to light the way were they to go underground into a cave. Bette goes off at the nurse for only letting her put one name in the "mother" slot. Bette. It's time to face the facts. Tina gave birth to the baby, I'm pretty sure that's all they're asking for. Just write down Tina's name, put yourself as the Dad, and let's move on. I imagine they just wanna know who's womb caused the congestion, that'd be Tina. Though personally, I blame Marcus Allenwood, he looked like a Sudafed junkie.
Yes, Yes it IS a LARGE BUTTERFLY.
"She was born in this fucking hospital and both our names are on the fucking birth certificate so why don't you give us a g-ddamn break and get our daughter in to see a goddamn doctor," says Bette. Can we add a drink to the drinking game every time Bette gets self-righteous and outspoken about something that doesn't make that much sense?
Carly: "Shane has everything in this Whole Foods bag?"Nikki & Entourage are pleased as punch to run into Shane at Cafè Whereves They Are. Shane asks Nikki what she's doing here, clearly she's never seen this set before either, and Carly adds, speaking for Nikki's hipster friends: "we're just out being asymmetrically haired." Nikki insists that Shane must stay so that she can rub Shane's hair, promise to take care of her, tousle her hair and say "Isn't she sexy you guys!" to her hipster buddies but Shane's not having any of it.
Riese: "Well she's very tiny."
It's like she's a girl ... but also she looks like a boy! She's like so cute you guys!
Nikki: "I know but Jenny's been so mean."
Shane:"I don't know what to tell you. Just go, okay? Just go."
Nikki:"Are you gonna be okay?"
But it's not because she doesn't care. She totally cares. She just acts against that, instead of for it. Actually, you know, I really don't understand why she'd hook up with Nikki, just 'cause she's got this libido? I don't buy it, Shane would never do that, but okay, whatever, I realize this is the show I am watching.
Carly: "Who are these people? Her entourage? Is Nikki hanging out with Spencer Pratt?"
Riese: "Speaking of, where's Max?"
Carly: "Speaking of unfortunate facial hair ..."
Live Your Life As If You're One
Tina: "You appear to the rest of the world to be so Alpha and in control and I know how hard it is for you to cover up the panic you feel inside."
See how lovely it is.
We love all things lovely. Bette is very pretty, and I wish she'd change her shirt.
Really?! Papi! Really!!!!
I take two steps forward, we take two seasons back
Everyone: "OH MY GOD IT'S PAPI!"Papi requests they keep it down, 'cause she's got work to do. She does her best work at 3 A.M. So do I! Oh, JK. She means the other kind of work. Oldest profession.
Riese: "Look Alex, it's your people."
Cait: "I love the Papi music that starts when she comes onscreen, it's so tasteful!"
A;ex: "Oh that's the reggatòn. It follows Papi wherever she goes, in a cloud."
We Come Together, 'cause opposites attract.
There are a lot of amazing things about this sex scene. Jenny has decided to play tonight, 'cause that's what Jenny does. When life is not as she wants it, she throws life on the bed when it's naked & supplicant & then she fucks it.
Lesbian Sexy Moment #1: I Smile When I'm Angry, I Cheat and I Lie
The Players: Nikki and Jenny
The Pick-Up: "Hi. C'mere."
Hot or Not? Nikki keeps yakking away, all apologies, and Jenny shushes her because this is what one must do when one is having sex with a sexy-bodied pretty girl who's all apologies but so stupid. Now we see that Jenny's packing, surprise, and you thought that was just a banana in her pocket. I'm a BANANA.
Anyhow Jenny fucks her a lot, there's yelling, she puts her hand over Nikki's mouth when Nikki won't shut up, it's all distant and dichotomy heavy and aggressive and scary/hot.
These are Nikki's breasts.
Just throwin' it out there, so to speak ...
Back at Papi's ... zomg, Alice is so cute! She's playing with Papi's little figurines.
It Ain't Fiction, Just a Natural Fact, We Come Together 'Cause Opposites Attract.
Alice: "You've gotta admit it's a little tacky."
Tasha: "It's her culture."
Alice: "C'mon -- look at the hat."
Tasha: "See, that's our problem."
Alice: "I'm not saying YOU would buy this --"
We Also Have Hats.
Gaby: "She was a wannabe and now she's a wannabe with money. Ever think of investing in a stylist with all that money, Alice?"
Tasha: "You need to watch your mouth."
Gaby: "Oooo now Alice's got a big butch daddy to protect her. (to Papi) Can you give me uh, the liverwurst one?"
Who'd a thought we could be Lovers?
Alice: "You sure that's liverwurst I smell?"
Gaby: "I wonder if your friend knows that her girlfriend used to be nicknamed "crash" 'cause she would always show up to parties she wasn't invited to."
[Tasha and Alice exchange a sad, lovely glance]
Alice: "That's what my life used to be like. Right there."
Carly: "What happened to Gaby's hair?"
Riese: "I believe she just got papi'ed."
Sam: "Her cherry just got papi'ed."
"You're the best person I've ever met. You're strong, you're honest, you're beautiful. I'm not ready to lose you."
(Alice, to Tasha.)
That makes sense. Still though I keep thinking of that New York Times article about The L Word which noted that "couples are often so unsuitably paired that the audience can’t help hoping their bodies will follow their wandering eyes in immediate succession." I should link to it.
Lesbian Squabble #6: Girl Trash
In the Ring: Two pretty girls with a lot of feelings vs. one pretty girl w/feelings vs. Helena the Regulator
Who Wins? Helena breaks that shit up like amazing. She learned that in jail.They don't call it the HIT club just 'cause that's how Kit wants to combine the words 'kit' and 'helena,' y'all.
Yay for fighting and breaking up drama!
They Know That It's Me They've Been Coming to See, to Forget About Life for a While
I Won't Mistake You For Problems With Me
Tina: "I didn't know that you made any promises."
Bette: "Well, I'm making a promise to you right now."
[Tina laughs, but totally cute and I love you-like]
Bette: "I promise that I share your values* about family and faithfulness and commitment --
[Tina laughs again, cutely again]
-- and that I will never ever cheat on you again. I love you."
*Not to be confused with the CORE values represented in the famous work of art "CORE" by Jodi Lerner, the masterful audio-visual art installation that marked the first time in history that something so awful was projected on such a large screen, just narrowly beating Death to Smoochie.
She Likes it Neat, and She Makes a Mess
Tasha: "I'm not even sleeping in your bed, not until we figure some shit out."
Alice:"Whatever you say, fine." [cute!]
Who Wins? Alice!
Oh Alice, you're such a goofer!
Feel the Need To Lay Down Beside You and Tell You
Tasha insists that she sleep on the fold-out couch to avoid one's natural inclination to jump Alice's adorable little bones. After all, Tasha reminds a protesting Alice, this bed is "100 times more comfortable than half the places I've slept" like on the GROUND in the DESERT in IRAQ with the DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE. Basically Tasha has slept on a bloodied battlefield using a severed arm as a pillow with a landmine under her ass in yesterday's underwear and Alice has always slept on silky silky comfy sheets in cotton panties so that's that, they have nothing in common. Alice gets all flirty and wants to just test out the bed.
This scene is too cute for words. Really it is. Just watch it.
Alice fails at making her serious face.
Tasha: "What's with the flared nostrils, is that part of your serious look?"
Alice: "Yeah -- yeah --"
Tasha's serious they can't do it 'til they figure out if they're gonna stay together.
Alice asks if Tasha thinks they should go to therapy. Tasha says hell no, therapy is for white people. I mean, therapy is for people with "problems," and she doesn't think they have any, but ok, maybe
Ok sleepy sloos time.
This photo is both magical and strange, I have nowhere to put it, but I must put it somewhere.
We pay for the stupid things we've done where I come from
Shane: "It wasn't even worth it, that's the worst part. It was such a waste."
Kit: "Jenny -- she gonna get over it --"
Shane: "No she's not --"
Kit: "Oh yeah -- "
Shane: "No she's not. She's not gonna get over it.
She's too delicate ... she's way too delicate ...
and I don't just mean that whole movie thing with Adele and Nikki, I mean in general
... she's fragile."
Kit: "Yeah, yeah. You did, you did it. It seems like her life has just been one big ass-whooping, you know?"
Shane: "No no Jenny's my friend ..."
Kit: "That's why you can do it! Fight for the friendship.
Let her know that you'll fight to the death to let her know you're not gonna let her go. You're not gonna lose this friendship."
Damn, Auntie Kit is wissssse today. Why couldn't she have played this character every year?
This next scene is pretty fucking awesome. It's the morning after, and Nikki's luxuriating in a nice white comfy bed and I think someone mic'ed the sheets. For Chrissake, it sounds like a hurricane every time she moves a limb. Limb from Limb, wasn't that an episode? They should've done "Lambchop" starring Lambchop. For the kids you know.
Well I hope I never figure out who broke your heart...
Nikki: "Last night after everything that happend with Shane, it was so romantic when you said that i broke your heart ...
You broke my heart (totally blown away by Jenny's poetics) ... I love you so much Jenny ..."
JENNY MOMENT: "You didn't break my heart.
You're nothing but a self absorbed, self-indulgent little brat.
And our affair on set was nothing but a showmance.
And when I said that you broke my heart, I wasn't talking about you, darling.
(gets up, puts on her t-shirt, wipes her hands clean of it, tosses Nikki her clothes, and exits with:)
It's time for you to go."
you break my heart each time you
It's the day after at The Planet and Shane has arrived to save
Helena sees Shane and invites her to come sit at the counter, far far away from all the people who have complicated feelings about her. But Shane is gonna FIGHT for the friendship. You can't hold her back, she could've been a contender, ADRIANNN!
Jenny, always looking for a way back into her magical carnival of adolescent behavior,
maturely declares that if Shane sits with them, she's gonna leave.
This was one of my favorite games to play in Junior High.
Tasha-thinking-is-cheating, improbably dressed in a $150 t-shirt her character wouldn't buy even if she could afford it, along with Tina-cybersex-isn't-cheating -- a.k.a. Team Monogamy -- get up to go sit with Jenny, leaving Shane with The Millamoment Not-Cheater, the Carpenter-Schtupper and eventually they are joined by the Pregnant-Ex-Wife-Snatcher/Former Convict.
I'm putting my money on the martyrs.
Well, one thing's for sure:
Lesbian Squabbles: 6
Lesbian Sexy Moments: 1
Quote of the Week: Shane!
How's the Vortex? Adele In, Papi Out. Yeah?
On a Scale of 1 to 10: 6.5. Because nothing made me cringe or want to stick sporks in my eyes.
It was pretty good, actually.
Quiet, but solid.
Anyhow! Thanks for reading! I think it's gonna be a killer season for real, but I don't mean that in a punny way. I mean I think exciting things will happen in general, in our shared world, in a way that relates to this show but isn't because of it. Does that make sense? Yay for recaps! I never make sense. I like chips.