Until about two hours ago, I thought this was the most ridiculous L Word related item of the day:
Then I saw "Who Killed Jenny?" a hot ten-minute show squeezed onto Showtime's Thursday night schedule between two shows that, unlike The L Word, actually got nominated for awards this year.
But before I get to WKJ, anyone who can guess what kind of Femblossom Kit's riding between Alice's ass and Bette's lower back wins a gentle nudge up the butt. You know, like the one Helena's getting in that graphic. That being said, I could stare at Leisha Hailey's jaw-line alllll day.
(the man on the grassy knoll, obvs!)
I better recap this excellent slice of television STAT before AfterEllen wakes up.
let us make woman in my image, after my likeness, and let her have dominion over all the manatees in the aquarium, and over the DirectTV dishes in the air, and over the mangina of Moira and the buoyantly fake breasts of Nikki, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth ... and Ilene saw everything that she had made and, behold, it was very good."
... that force reflection [e.g., Why do we watch this show again?]
... upon the person lost [and how silly it is that she IS "being lost." Besides, Jenny & her entrails already played the LOST game in Season One. If I wanted to watch things getting lost, I'd watch that show LOST.]
Who was Jenny Schecter? [A MAN, BABY!]
We knew her as so many things [because on this show, personalities change like the seasons. Although ... the seasons themselves actually never change. I want Christmas! I want a Christmas Special! Papi carves the turkey!]
She was a wide eyed ingenue who came to L.A.. in search of a dream [the carnival]
... like many curiosity propelled her [graphic of Tim propelling his dick into Jenny.]
... and discovery shaped her [actually, Marina's tongue shaped her, it'd appear.]
... she fought her own darkness and rose to great heights [of ridiculousness]
... the girl next door became so much more [It's not literal, Ilene. You know that right? It doesn't literally mean "the girl who lives next door"] ...
... she was not perfect but
perhaps in death
her sins will be forgiven.
[Dream on, IC. Jjust don't go to L.A. in search of that dream, it's way cheaper to shoot in Vancouver].
Every time Shane opens her mouth, I want to kiss her on the face. Same goes for Alice, Tasha, Helena, and many others. I keep getting older, but The L Word girls stay the same age.
Well, let's fill up our concave souls together with a warm cup of "Over It." Time for an OVER IT party!
Kate: "I can't see foresee anybody killing anyone on this show ... but [throws arms in the air] there is that twist to it now, something has to happen ... [Shane]'s really kinda given up a lot of herself."
R-Shelly: "What's [Jenny] gonna do this week, and who's she gonna say the wrong thing to? ... Is Helena capable of murder? I don't think so. Are ANY of these characters capable of murder?"
Mia Kirshner: "Every year I sort of had to take on a different character for Jenny because she's so radically different every season ... it's hard to understand why Jenny did the things she did, because the things she did ... were amoral."
Leisha: "[Alice and Jenny] have always had their differences but this [season it's] a thing where ... it's ... a real thing? ... it's not funny."
Rose-Ro asks - "Who would really kill Jenny? ... I don't think anyone in the cast would kill Jenny ... maybe accidentally? ... like a fight on a rooftop or something?" [laughs]
LuH: "It's hard to understand why Jenny's behaving a certain way ... Well, it is The L Word, so it's lots of fantasy."
J-Beals: "I don't think any one of them could premeditate a murder, certainly not. But ... [laughs, over it.] Who knows?"
Kit: That's my baby girl!
"I just think it's funny that you hired me for this job. I'm actually a kinda groovy person in real life, and you're paying me a good salary to "act" and every year I get a free trip to Vancouver, where I can hike with the tree fairies and make music. Sweet deal you guys! Thanks! Hahaha."
I can't really make fun of Alice's hair here 'cause I can't tell what's going on exactly. Can you?
I thought the question of Season Sixwas "Really Papi, Really?" No actually I thought it could be; "What's life like for a bunch of abnormally attractive lesbians living in West Hollywood?" I mean, that's enough, just ask Season One. They did it just fine.
So Jenny's gonna steal a screenplay treatment from Alice. Jenny would never do that, unless she was on a serious manic megalomaniac high ... but I mean also who does that? Evil people who never think they'll have to see you again, that's who, not people from your direct group of friends. As Mia herself put it, that's immoral. And Mia knows from immoral, she just spent a lot of time in some really shitty countries. I read the book, it's good. You should read it. Seriously.
Oh sorry. I mean, wow! What a cool twist, Ilene! Theft! ooo!
Anyhow, I think this particular storyline was ripped from the headlines of Ilene's diary. Ilene is Jenny's apart. That's all I'm gonna say.
It's like the surge! We'll have a live debate between me and Ilene and if I confess to enjoying even one moment this storyline, she'll hold it against me. "Listen, my friends, she's still denying that the surge happened! The surge worked!" See -- substitute "killing Jenny" for "the surge." I'll be like "Ilene is pretending that the show began in 2009. And according to that graphic, Jenny kicks the bucket in '08, so check your facts, killer."
It's all very strange, still, that Max is on this show, I wish they'd picked a transman who would've actually been friends with these girls in any kind of real or believable way. That could have been really interesting.
Hey did you hear the one about the dude that got pregnant? You know, on like Oprah or whatever. You know?
Want me to say something about how I'm gonna kill you? That's the running joke of the season. It's like the chicken dance on Arrested Development, except not funny.
We're treated to a series of Season One clips reminding us of the world Jenny created for us, which feels cruel somehow. It's like having no legs and being forced to watch videos from your tap-dancing days. Stop reminding us of how good this show once was while Jenny gathered rosemary for her seance. You know, a whole new world? That's where we'll be? A thrilling place, a wondrous space, for Shane's naked bodyyyy ..."
Have I mentioned I'm so excited about Shenny? If I can just concentrate on Shenny and Bettina and Alice's cute face, I'll be good to go. However that will be impossible, because I am a miserable curmudgeon at the age of 27. Ilene's fault.
I think it'll be interesting to see how a relationship pans out between two very close friends who both possess serious inner demons and have maintained a complicated but platonic friendship for a few years now. Jenny & Shane are both fucked up. It's about how we look to one another as vices to fill a void. If you're into vices and I'm into voids or vice-versa, we'll all go home feeling that we got what we want. I hope we find out what Jenny wants. This could be a big test for Shane -- how does she define herself when her heart's fully invested? Will she remain the loyal caretaker when it's compounded by the complications of a committed relationship? Now that Jenny's the one she's talking ABOUT, instead of the one she's talking TO?
Deep down inside, Jenny's entrails are pure and shimmery like raindrops.
Oh back to the Jenny Footage Library ...
I have my own point to make, Ilene -- you know what? "Creating death" is actually not the only way to make us look at our lives. I know! It's so weird!
Ilene: Wait-- is this a lesson?
Ilene: In writing?!
Ilene: From Riese de la Pica Morales?
Ilene: Oh, FUCK, let me grab a pen!
Riese: Get a pad too! So this thing that happens when you write is you draw from your own life, and then in turn, you take those experiences and you use something called imagination, Ilene --
We learn and grow from the unexpected honest tragedies of our lives, as I said last week, and although we certainly do learn from death moreso than anything else, that's not the point here. If the murder ends the season, then retrospection is impossible. The point, clearly, is sensationalist. It's intended to build up excitement -- you'd think after all these years, Ilene would trust that we can build up plenty of excitement all by ourselves.
Plus, there's so many more complicated and subtle experiences one could use to make one look at one's life. Because, Ilene, death isn't just a pie in the face for drama, or a random card to play when your pot is low. Death is um ... terrible.
Do something subtle for a change. Something compelling and lovely, like Alice practicing how she'd tell Gaby off, Dana learning her brother's gay too, Jenny sparring with a brassy writing teacher, Shane struggling with a drug-addicted friends from a former lifetime/style, Bette & Tina conferring that they are, indeed, boring, and skulking off in the hood of boring. That stuff!
Or you could just kill people. Whatevs.
There's gonna be lots of pretty girls in it though.
Bette & Tina
At the end of "Who Killed Jenny, Part One," they "ponder her afterlife." In other words, they try to get funny. Funny LOOKING! Also Enya called they want their CD back.