This week we held a massive fiesta [approximately ten attendees, not including stuffed animals] to celebrate the end of L Word recap season. In fact, we were rockin' so hard/requirin' so many beverages to cope with the Shenny fallout ... that we forgot to take photos ... sooo, Cait, Alex and I did a quick A.M. shoot. As for the others: luckily many of the finale "party" attendants were not recap virgins, so I was able to dig up some photos from the archive. I made a collage, look!
This is SO Not the Way That Anybody Lives:
Alex: Come on everybody, you know the words!
Alex: Do we really have to go through this [opening song] every time?
Riese: Yeah, we have to see whose little graphic has been eliminated and sucked into the vortex and be sure Helena's still on the show. Which I'd much rather do to "Closer to Fine."
1. I used "all right" when I should've used "alright" in the recap of the last scene. I think I'd stopped proofing by that point. That will probs also happen tonight.
2. Since it's the last episode, your corrections will go undocumented in this format. You can correct me anyhow, I like it when you talk dirty to me.
3. IT'S RIESE NOT REISE.
4. Thanks for reading and commenting and living loving and so forth! Don't forget to fight forest fires, and wet your pants at work even without me.
xoxo gossip girl.
About Men: The L Word's got no faith in men to ever understand Lesbian artistic visions. I'm generally a fan of "fuck the patriarchy" messages, but it's getting tired, Ilene needs something new in her bag o'tricks. Or perhaps something old redeeming himself, e.g., Mark. Who? What's that? The suits demand a more "releatable" ending -- Jesse needs to go back to the guy. Relatable to who? Angelina Jolie? Also, that opens up a whole new range of feminine product tie-ins, like douchebags, dental dams, ovulation meters and Diflucan. Also, when I think "how to make this movie appeal to everyone, not just the ladies," I think "feminine hygiene product tie-in, STAT."
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Can I honk the horn?"
Stef: Angelica's so bored.
Heather: That makes 12 of us.
Heather: That makes one of us.
Riese: Oh, Ilene.
Riese: What is this ... it's like Short Cuts.
Riese: One of my favorite movies which no one but me has ever seen.
Heather: I think its Grey's Anatomy.
Stef: Saved by the Bell hair, Sex in the City bus banner, this show is summarizing so many other shows.
Heather: Oh wait, just kidding, that was totally ALF.
Yay! Helena's back!
Stef: Since when is Shane a photographer?
Cait: They pick up hobbies very quickly on this show.
Riese: Fast learners, the whole cast.
Lesbian Sexy Moment #32: Woke Up With Beauty in my Bed
The Players: Shane and Molly
The Pick-Up: "Did you sleep well?"
Hot or Not? Oh, the etheral lighting, the glowy sheets. The bizarre music box melody. Despite the beauty of this situation (*cough* High Art), they musn't linger, it's time for brunch with Phyllis. They seem quite comfortable already, and Shane seems ... hm. Happy?
Cait: Oh my God, Riese you totally called it!
Stef: Called what?
Riese: I said I knew she'd get a job in security, like in Six Feet Under after Keith had to leave the police.
Stef: Oh right, 'cause she's black and gay, like Keith.
Riese: Yeah it's the armed-profession - uniformed - black - gay network, they hook each other up. Stef: She's probably working for Keith Charles Security, which is also in L.A.
Riese: I hope she doesn't get shot.
Lesbian Squabble #40: Come On Come On Come On Don't Be So Cruel
In the Ring: Molly vs. Momma
Content: Joyce introduces herself but Molly refuses to shake her hand 'cause Joyce "tried to ruin [her] father." I'd assumed it was because she thought Joyce's hand had just been deep inside her mother's vagina. Shane pulls Molly aside and gives her a talking-to: that's what happens in all divorces, if Joyce was "ruthless" that's because she's a LAWYER for Chrissake, and her mother deserves happiness just like everybody else. Also, Shane wants Phyllis to like her. You guys really you haven't lived 'til you've had a lesbian date with your lesbain Mom, it's quite something. Shane adds: "Well, if I recall, your mother wasn't too thrilled about you seeing me, and now we're all here to eat together." Shane's a pro with the high-maitenence brats, and digs Molly enough to take her Mom's side. She digs Molly like ... a lot a lot.
Who Wins? Shane, what a diplomat! Actually, they could all win, but this isn't Ring Around the Rosies. This is Ilene Chaiken's show! NO ONE wins in the Season Finale, obviously, why else would I care? Also, Joyce looks great today, doesn't she? Seriously.
Heather: Oh wow her hair --
Riese: Just gets worse and worse.
Heather: She looks just like John Travolta in Hairspray.
Riese: She does. She totally does.
Heather: They should be like, OMG you looked sooooooo good in Hairspray, girl!
KITTISM: "Yeah I hope you choke on 'dem bones."
Expression: "I Don't Know About That."
Lesbian Squabble #41: From Phyllis to Molly
In the Ring : Shane vs. Molly vs. Phyllis
Content: Molly thinks her scores are a BFD and is spending the summer surfing in Honolulu with Shane. She's departing from Dock Summer Sports with Joey Potter , who's headed for a summer sailing adventure with Pacey Witter. Run Dawson run!
Riese : Since when has Shane surfed?
Cait: Kate Moennig surfs.
Heather : Hey, it's not a hobby.
Riese : It's a lifestyle.
Cait: Also Shane is not real, and Kate is real.
Riese: They pick up hobbies quickly. She's got ADD real real bad.
Shane wasn't informed that her Big Surfing Trip took place during the same semester as Molly's Supreme Court internship. Phyllis is mad that Molly's giving up the Supreme Court for Gidget. Molly suggests: "I'm accepting your love choices, and if you and Joyce decide to get married I hope you invite Shane and I to the wedding. All I ask is that you do the same for me."
Who Wins? You know I'm tempted to say Molly's being a brat -- but she makes a good point. They're both adults now -- maybe if Phyllis didn't see herself as so entitled to tell Molly what to do, Molly would feel less permitted to do the same in return. So ... Molly wins. And so do the lifeguards who're gonna think Molly's really smokin' hot when she falls on her ass. Shane is a surfer, like Dylan McKay, 'cause they're both rebel spirits.
6. Mia (not scary-skinny Mia from Season One, but new Mia)
11. Daniela Sea
"I know you, you're 'Hi, I'm Alice Pisecki and you're watching The Look. '"
-Tasha's friend, Karen
Tina: "She has a lot to lose."
Jenny: "So do I. I don't have a career anymore. My agents just dropped me."
Tina: "They did? That's terrible."
Riese: Not as terrible as your SHIRT!
Zoey: Definitely Forever 21.
Riese: Not even -- sale rack Forever 21. Back-of-the-store, covered in soot, et cetera.
Expression: This scene needs a wine bottle!
Riese:What's a Picadilo? Like the instrument?
Stef: It's like an armadillo.
Heather: It's both.
Riese: Half armadillo, half instrument.
Tina: "You were my first, and I thought I would die."
Bette: "I never left you."
Tina: "Yes you did. But then you came back."
Lesbian Sexy Moment #34: Be My Baby Tonight
The Players: Bette & Tina, together again like Bon Jovi.
Bette: "What is important?"
Tina: "You. Us."
Hot or Not?: Tina's doing something I can't figure out on Bette's lap, and Bette asks if Angie needs a baby sister. I just hope they get a surrogate this time, or adopt a foster child, besides ... they can barely take care of the one they've got.
Stuffed animals -- much more manageable.
Lesbian Squabble #42: Which of Us is Deserving, Just Look at the Human Race
In the Ring: Phyllis vs. Shane
Content: Shane's inspecting the walls, as she so often does when in a new room. Phyllis doesn't think Shane's worthy of Molly, who, P.S., is the smartest person ever. Then she starts mouthing off about Bette & Alice's opinion of Shane -- that she's never had a relationship over six months, will leave Molly the first hot booty that comes her way, and that she left a girl at the altar. Shane doesn't buy it but then ... she does. You can't go there -- Carmen. Carmen is special territory. "Even your friends think you're no good, Shane," Phyllis says. She said it'd suck if Shane did that to her daughter -- y'know, threw her away "like a piece of garbage." This family and their throwing-things-into-other-things relationship metaphors. Shane says it's not fair to say that she'll throw Molly away like everyone else cause "no one knows that until it happens." Phyllis says that most of us possess a certain amount of self-knowledge. "If you even think you love her, spare her, don't let her turn into another one of your heartbroken victims." Then Phyllis makes a dramatic exit.
Sidenote: The camerawork here is trying too hard. If that birdcage isn't Jodi's sculpture, let's move it aside. I know why the caged bird sings, it's got something to do with Ilene Chaiken. Also: Shane should stay away from art openings and rich women, these things never go her way. It's like a parallel to Mr. Jaffee telling her he was gonna kill her.
Who Wins?: Phyllis, I guess. I think Shane might actually agree with her ... I mean, chances are ... you know? But it's not like they're engaged, Phyllis should chill.
Look at Jenny's little smirk, I love her.
Lesbian Squabble #44: It's OFF Now, Bitch
In the Ring: Team Planet vs. Team Denbo
Content: Dawn's talking crazy about how they shouldn't've let a skank like Shane into the bar, even though she's got a stunner of a girlfriend, a.k.a. Helena. (She means that like "friend who's a girl") Even after realizing who Helena is, Dawn can't contain her crazy, which means she's lost it fo'real and should be injected with Ativan stat. Helena says Denbo can't kick her gang out now ... 'cause now they own this place -- Denbo's two primary investors were happy to sell out when they saw that Dawn had wrangled them in a few inches short of a felony. But that's confidential, says Dawn! What has Little Cindi Loohoo DONE?!!
Lover Cindi: How could I do anything when I don't have a thought in my head? I mean, that's what you tell people ... right? That I don't have a thought in my head?
Dawn: This is the thought in your head?!!
Heather is surprised!
Cindi: "By the way? The name is Tucker. It's not Her Lover Cindi, it's Cindi Anabelle Tucker."
Kit: "Or you can stay. You can do the dishes, you can clean the floor, you've got a lot of glasses to pick up around here!"
Alex: And SHE CAN'T HEAR THE MUSIC.
Lesbian Squabble #45: Then I'm Delusional, 'Cause I Could Swear You Felt the Same Way
In the Ring: Shane vs. Molly/Shane's own personal inner demons
Content: Molly, understandably, is curious about why Shane's giving "that girl" her phone number. Shane starts in on a reluctant schpeel about how they had a good time but they're different and Molly's going to school, but Molly calls her out: she knows what Shane's doing -- freaking out, being scared -- and she won't let her, she's gotta give it a chance. Shane says she never made any promises. Molly said Shane made a promise in bed that morning when she kissed Molly and held her: "those were promises." Yes she's a lesbian for sure. If that's how she feels ... chances are actually kinda high that this truly wouldn't work out. There's nothing to turn Shane off faster than projecting feelings onto her, even if they're feelings she has. She's careful with her words, but ultimately that excuses very little. Shane says "Well, then I guess you misunderstood me."
Who Wins? Phyllis, again, that woman is cleaning up tonight.
Molly: " What do girls do now? Throw their drink in your face?"
Shane the Pimpalicious: "Yeah, sometimes they do."
Molly: "I'm not gonna do that. You don't deserve that, you deserve compassion. But I'm not gonna try to save you, that's something you have to do for yourself. So good luck figuring your shit out, um, take your time. Hopefully I'll still be around."
(Although Ilene's record with re-casting characters who've been broken up with: not impressive.)
The ladies are gazing at the PDA-heavy couple. Adele keeps glancing over.
"I can't even talk about it, you guys." (Tina)
Alice: "I met someone."
Shane: "I knew it, I knew it! Is that why she's drinkin?"
"You have the right to be happy, it's your human right to be happy ... who is she?"
We're a Tough Crowd.
Lesbian Sexy Moment #35: This is Your Last Love
The Players: Tina and Bette
The Pick-Up: Um, "I'm ovulating?" They need no pick up, their love runs deep like many oceans.
Hot or Not?: Yeah, ok.
Alllll 'Bout Adele: Adele's become a different person: she's confident and creepy. Just this morning, she says, they've been picked up by a distributor. She's got the lingo, the soul-free drive, she's manipulation personified. She thanks her inspirations, but doesn't mean it. We know this 'cause she even thanks Tina, and then thanks Jenny for the "opportunity." Oh? Who's that? Monet? No it's Jenny, stepping from the wings like a dark angel from dark angel heaven...
JENNY MOMENT: "I didn't give you anything. You stole it."
Adele faux-respectfully hands her the microphone.
JENNY MOMENT CTD: "I realize that the movie's out of my hands now, and I hope that those people entrusted with this responsibility will honor it. I wanna thank this amazing amazing crew, who have helped me see through my vision. I wanna thank my incredible friends who I ... I really love you guys. You guys ... you guys have shown me loyalty ... "
But enough of that. On the balcony; Shane's demonstrating the opposite of loyalty.
Lesbian Sexy Moment #36: But It's Better If You Do
The Players: Niki and Shane
The Pick - Up: The silent manatee noises of their yearning, lustful, alternately hard and bony bodies.
Hot or Not? It would be, if I wasn't so sad about it.
Jenny continues ...
"You guys have shown me loyalty ... and so much compassion."
"And friendship. And I think that's what Lez Girls is all about."
"It means the world to me, more than any other movie, or lover ..."
"Um, is Niki here?"
Some woman shouts that she saw Niki outside by the little ... something. Bodega? Podega? Cocamo? Potato?
"I realized something really important this afternoon but ... I am madly in love with someone. And it's changed the way I feel about ... all of us. Thank you for putting up ... with me."
Juno sings: "I love them 'til they love me." (Not really Juno, but could be.)
Jenny: "Niki Niki?"
"Oh my God, Jenny."
"Oh my God Shenny! OMG WTF?!"
Jenny ... to Shane: "What are you doing?"
(The answer is Niki, everyone gets a thigh, a breast, and an extra crispy drumstick to go. Thanks for playing.)
Lesbian Squabble #46: I Bet It Stung
In the Ring: Tina vs. Adele and the Assholes
Content: Tina's furious to learn they've changed the last scene. It was her favorite, she says. They should've heard her going on about it earlier, jeez. Aaron says Jesse never felt gay to him anyhow, of course not, he wants to stick his hot dog down her narrow passageway. "That is so fucked up!" Tina yells. "The guy gets the girl, the end?" She says this was the movie that was supposed to change all that. I figured it out, Adele works for the Fundamentalist Christians. Aaron thinks if the movie's too gay it's gonna alienate audiences but Tina argues it's a movie about lesbians. William says the film's full of lesbians -- chock full, actually. It's also chock full of nuts, it should be a candybar. I like Payday bars. I'd eat one right now if I didn't live in Dangerous Minds territory and there wasn't a man outside screaming at strangers.
Who Wins?: Adele.
Jenny: "I thought that we -- "
Shane: "Jenny --"
"You know what, it's the ultimate betrayl," Jenny tells Shane.
Jenny continues: "You've broken my heart."
I'd say this show sometimes makes me feel betrayed, but that'd imply I ever expected anything more.
Lesbian Squabbles: 6 this episode, 46 total
Lesbian Sexy Moments: 4 this episode, 36 total
Quote of the Week: Angelica
On a Scale of 1 to 10: Done! Where did the good go?!!
After I recover from this season, I'll be back with a season round-up special. You can leave RuPaul all your worldly possessions here: