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Once Upon a Time, my blogger-friend Lozo [he's strai and male and therefore not big into the autostraddle cannon 'cause The L Word's basically 30-50 minutes of poorly hairstyled women talking/screaming about their feelings, which's what dudes like him try to avoid at all costs] broke off all his fingers in a terrible crocidile incident, and Haviland and I, being the naughty nurses that we are [Yeah? Want me to "dress up" and "take care of you"? Then I "totes will, obvs."], helped a brother out with our very first Video Blog. We were so innocent then and knew nothing about lighting and costuming. I didn't know that we'd get addicted to assembling weekly testaments to how funny we think we are, mostly to each other. But it's too late baby now, it's too late, we love making video blogs! We just love it! And we're gonna start making some for Autostraddle too, So, if you aren't an Autowin reader, basically this is the scoop: we talk a lot and then I edit all of our bla bla bla into bla! bl!. We've done many things like worn Halloween costumes, held a comment contest, done "Full House" dramatic readings and, my personal favorite, the Vlog which documented my descent into "rock bottom." We played "I've Never" and I got really drunk.

What does this have to do with Alice, you're wondering? Well, not much. Did I mention that I got fired from my job because of the crazy lifestyle I lead with my girls, like Shane the former male prostitute and Alice the reckless stalker/driver and Jenny the Jenny? [They aren't real people, just teevee characters, but I guess that seemed beside the point] Specifically, my sins were targeted around a joke I'd made regarding my desire to see Kit Porter penetrate herself with a vodka bottle rather than see Kit Porter stare at the vodka bottle as a weak dramatic device intended to reveal her struggle with alcoholism without providing any true character development or faithfulness to reality.

Anyhow, enough about me and back to me and Haviland and our video. We're gonna shoot a lot of these this month and Carly's gonna shoot some stuff with us, 'cause we want you to have lots of fun things to watch when you're at home being yelled at for being homos, or when you're at home having fun with your family if you got lucky. Personally, I've got two mommies, like in the book.

I made a video blog for Autowin with most of this footage in there, and because I'm retarded, I deleted almost all the footage I didn't use on that vlog, leaving me with not a whole lot more to work with to throw something together here. I'd apologize for the repetition if you've already seen the other one, but I shouldn't really because I fully believe it's fun to watch it again and again over and over, it is soothing like warm milk and kaluha.


  1. Lozo said...

    wait. you have a cannon?  

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Auto-Straddle is where Autowin indulges her guilty pleasures -- The L Word, South of Nowhere, and other queer pop culture.

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