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Because I clearly need a swift blow to the head from Aiden's brand new baseball bat [just occurred to me: why did he just buy a baseball bat? Is he going to be on Girltrash?], I had a brill idea to recap The N's teen-soap South of Nowhere. For those of you that're here 'cause you read my L Word recaps, I should say this right now: my best friend Haviland, whom many of you enjoy, has shows (she's in Les Miserables) on Friday nights so she will not be present for any of these recaps, although it's possible we might have alternative-screening-dates from time to time, since we're crazy like that. Also though, once Living it Out, the sitcom Carly and I wrote [which clearly has a role written for Haviland herself] is picked up, then we can all quit our jobs, and Haviland won't have to fight the French Revolution anymore, she'll be fighting the Lesbian Humor Revolution! Obvs! Also, "Chase" is coming next week, she promised.

*

A'ight, lez go. I'm gonna count Lesbian Sexy Moments like I did with TLW, and also do a "Quote of the Week" and a Glenism. Maybe other things too, but right now my brainspace is fried. Also, there'll be a "This Week in: Life's Big Questions" and probs "This Week in: Corrections." Before this week's episode, Carly fought with the A/V cords for about an hour, so by the time it started, we were both semi-suicidal. It was a Good Test of our Friendship.

Those are just some of the many remote controls that refused to function properly on Friday night.
These are the questions that racked our little minds during Season Three, Episode One, of South of Nowhere [which you can watch here, if you don't get cable or live in a different country--UPDATE: Moonkiller lives in rainy Wales and she's notified me, because she's lookin' out and totes brill like that, that The N's link don't work over there but that you can find part one here. Even if you live in Wales. Ta-Da! Yay!]:

1. Did every female cast member get breast implants between seasons? New bras? Puberty?
2. That key around Glen's neck--what is it for? His heart? Home, in case he OD's on Percocet and gets lost? His soul? The Secret? The Secret to Unlocking his Heart? His chastity? Something revealed last season that we both missed? [Confession: I didn't exactly watch every episode last season, but I did see all of Season One. I'd like to catch up, but time is the devil's plaything or something and I don't have any playthings. Donate to my tip jar and I'll save up and give myself the gift of time and catch up.]
4. True Life: "What?" What're the other two narratives for this episode of "True Life"? What is the topic? "I survived a school shooting?" "I got breast implants"?
5. Could Spencer possibly be any cuter?

*
On the Untimely Departure of Danso Gordon


Lest we be perceived as even remotely insensitive [on the off chance you've never read anything else on this blog or my other one ever], I'd like to share with you a statement from Danso Gordon on his decision to leave South of Nowhere this season, which resulted in him getting hisself shot up. He played Clay Portard, the adopted African-American brother of America's Next Top Cutie, Spencer. [Sidenote: I also have an adopted African-American brother and a non-adopted Caucasian brother, except that my non-adopted brother is nothing like Spencer's non-adopted brother Glen. For example; he does not wear a key around his neck and he has a job. Still, there's that. I liked this storyline. F You, Gordo.]

After reading his statement, I'd suggest that he take this time off to study up on his English grammar skills. Granted, my grammar is pretty awful, particularly considering that I write for a living, but I imagine I at least try to be consistent in my suckage. He's doing all kinds of gross things with subjects and verbs and hoo-has and punctuation and randomized capitalization of the word 'Faith,' which, FYI, is actually Not a proper noun. I don't even understand what he's going for here, but it's not working and it makes me want to cover his face with a red copyediting pen and then poke his eyes out. JK, I'm a peaceful person. Totes Zen. Ommm:

"Whatup ... I am leaving for my own personal reasons that have to do with my Faith and personal integrity. It was a difficult decision to make, however, when someone is involved in something that directly opposes his/her integrity, then that person has to ask themselves why they are doing it. For the money? To make sure they don't offend people? I asked myself these questions and I obviously came to my answer ... the show went against my personal Faith and integrity and therefore I made the difficult decision to leave."
-Danso Gordon aka "Clay"

Yeah. Well, "Clay," guess what happens to homophobes?

Don't Eff With the Gays
Yup. That's right. You get shot. Don't hate on the gays. Also, Gordo, what were you thinking when you signed up for this gig? I mean, it's not "Noah's Arc," but it ain't "Blue's Clues" either. Actually wait, that's kinda gay. It ain't "The 700 Club" or "Everybody Loves Raymond." I mean, seriously, I can't even blast these writers for cliche, because you were kinda asking for it. We all knew he was gonna be the one to die from the school shooting, obvs.
Carly: "Oh my God, what a surprise, the black guy got shot in a drive-th--drive-by -- fuck! I almost said drive-thru! Don't put that in the recap."

"Hey, Since I'm Here, Anyone Got a Vicodin? I Think I Got a Bullet in my Neckhole."

How amazing would that be though? If they were like, "I would like a Frosty," and the guy was like "Well, I'd like the legalisation of gay marriage, sometimes you can't always get what you want. Ker-POW!" Okay, sorry, everyone's entitled to their own [wrong] opinions. I just feel like we've got enough problems in the world right now, and he shoulda been happy to be on a show playing a relatively revolutionary role, in a prime opportunity to break some boundaries re: the portrayal of African-Americans on television, and then you had to go out like that? Sigh. Just SIGH.

Livin' in a Homo-Hater Paradise

So anyhow. The show begins. All the kiddies had to cut prom short to dash to the hospital, because of this East Coast/West Coast thing that's been happening between Bad Boy and Death Row. Paula's working hard in her scrubs and Ashley and Spencer are squabbling because they just had that fight about Aiden and Ashley thinks Spencer should get treated for her wounds. How about the wounds you've caused to her SOUL, Ash? Aiden got shot too, but luckily, due to the layers of muscle between his flesh and his tender heart, he's totes stable. Most of the annoying people are still alive, like Glen.

Ashley, semi hysterical with a sexy slash across her soft skin, rushes along the hospital gurney and tells Aiden she is gonna be right there and she's not going to leave him. That is what we call "foreshadowing." Also: ew.

The Handprint is My Favorite Part.
This is a part where I might get emotional but instead, Carly and I were already cracking up like it's "The Office" or something. I mean, Paula comes out with blood smeared on her smock like it's the butcher and she's just killed herself a big ol' slab o' meat. Then there's the melodramatic blood-pounding music ... why am I already making fun of this show? It's a good show! I thought The L Word was asking for it, but I guess I'll make fun of anything. I should recap Schindler's List.

Carly just asked "How many episodes do you think they'll be moping around for?" AND THEN we were blessed with: THREE MONTHS LATER. Thank you. That's the kind of gigantic jump forward in time from the Cold Open to Act One that I can really stand behind. The aftermath of death is like, a very un-fun topic. Although reckless sexual abandon is one way a person could react to untimely death, and that might not be so bad, Spashley.
I Would Like to Suggest Ambien.
Spencer can't sleep. Obviously. Poor Spencer. Her Dad reminds her to take things hour by hour, one day at a time. Luckily, that's how time works. Good advice, Go Dad. Seriously, this Dad is like, aw.


Me: Do people actually wear bathrobes?
Carly: I've never owned one. Cesar does.
Me: People who aren't homosexual men?
Carly: Matt and Roy do.
Me: People who aren't homosexual men?
Carly: No.

*

True Life: I've Started a "Zen Flesh, Zen Bones" Cult
There's a big shrine outside of the school for Clay with flowers. Madison and Kyla discuss the sich. They've both started wearing wigs to look more like Ashley and Kyla has learned that every moment is special and that none of them should be wasted. Madison thinks this means Kyla's going to join a cult. [Why does she think this? I suspect Madison is a few sparks short of a lightbulb.] She tells Kyla to find the humor in tragedy. That's how I feel about everything, too!

Carly: "I think Kyla got extensions. I wonder if Shane did them."

Madison and Kyla see a crew at school and Madison remarks that MTV is doing a "True Life" documentary at their school. We found this endlessly entertaining. Wait, I mean I did. Carly works at mtvU, so she has absolutely nothing to say about this and does not find it even remotely funny. She didn't say "I wonder who owns 'The N.'"
Also, Spencer, FYez, if you wanna get away from Ashley's silly antics, there is another lesbian in your high school; She's wearing a tie, obvs. Or it's Avril Lavigne. Either way I think you've got a solid shot at it:

"Let Me Look at Your Wound" is the new "Let Me Look at Your Third Nipple."
Aiden asks Ashley if she's called Spencer and she says Spencer won't return her phone calls and she asks Aiden about his flesh wound. She wants an excuse to touch his hot sweltering man-chest, get it? That's supposed to be a sexually suggestive moment. Over the summer, the actor who plays Aiden has forgotten how to act. He's still hot, but also, WTF?

Ashley calls her Mom a Pod. It's awesome. Incorporate that into your vocabulary starting now. They're doing that weird forced exposition thing that You-Know-What-Show always does. Oh well, it happens. Ashley's 'really, really happy' that Aiden is "still here." Aiden has survived the drive-by shooting because unlike Clay, he doesn't hate gay people. In fact, he wants to have sex with them. Ideally two at the same time.
*

True Life: Just Like Heaven
The MTV Lady is obvs semi-insufferable. She tells Spencer she's happy Spencer is doing this. Spencer says: "Well, I'm just doing it for Clay." I didn't know they got MTV in heaven. Actually, in my heaven, they totes get MTV and they play Undressed, Daria, My So-Called Life, The Real World: Boston, True Life: I Got Plastic Surgery, diary: Britney Spears, Loveline, My So-Called Life, diary: Chris Rock, Buzzkill, and The Tom Green Show, 24/7.

This's perfect. Go Spencer!: "I had this whole thing in my head but now of course I can't remember a word of it. So um ... the night of the shooting, I lost my brother. And it just ... it reminds me of how much this all sucks. I'm done." Poor Spencer. Someone should give her a big hug. Wink wink ASHLEY.

* And now for a Brief Sidenote:

Are You There, Victoria? It's Me, Your Secret.
The most important thing about South of Nowhere this season is tits. Everyone's boobs are popping out of their shirts left and right. I think they all must have spent the summer at The Olive Garden's culinary school in Tuscalito, Italy, because everyone 'cept Spencer seems to have packed on the pounds. There's nothing wrong with that, obvs. Just an observation. Maybe that's because they're Growing Up and Becoming Women. I think Britney Spears wrote a great song on this topic.


There's a Hero, If You Unlock Glen's Heart

Me: Why is Glen so ugly?
Carly: Why is Glen ... Glen?

Everyone in this family has a bathrobe, they must've had a sale at Sears. Hey Paula comes home, gearin' up to rumble, per always. This woman's had a hard year. She's like "It's afternoon and you haven't gotten dressed yet? Why do you think we adopted Clay, douchetard? Better shape up or we'll send you to boot camp!"

Fo'reals though, she yells: "You are a high school graduate!" This's a pretty big accomplishment for a character on South of Nowhere, which I think must have some sort of marketing tie-in deal with the G.E.D. people. Probs the bathrobes are part of that. Paula wants him to do something with his life, like shave his beard. This is gonna be like Max/Moira, except that if Max shaved his beard, he'd be beautiful, and if Glen shaved his beard, he'd just be Glen but without that annoying beard. Glen thought he had it all figured out, he was gonna go to Iraq and get his nuts blown off for G.W. and Operation Iraqi Hoo-Ha. Unfortunately, he decided to stick around and take up valuable screen time that could be used by Spashley making out.

True Life: But I'm Not a Cheerleader!
Madison talks about how she did a lot of things she regretted last year. I don't remember what she's talking about, but if she quit cheerleading, things must've gotten really dire. Actually I couldn't even remember her name at first. She has clear skin, like Clearasil. Why do all these girls look vaguely similar to one another? I remember she cried a lot in the previews they'd show over and over when I was watching Degrassi. I think it was because she was in love with Aiden. Everyone loves Aiden. Look, he's a hottie, but also, he's a homewrecker!

*
Just Don't Go on Any Meditation Retreats or Anything Okay? Thanks.
Spencer has a new best friend, she don't need Ashley no more! Chelsea thinks she's fat, but she's really not at all fat. She's beautiful just the way she is. She tells Spencer: "I would really love to crawl inside a hole right now. Everyone's staring at me." I feel that way sometimes too, but I think it's the drugs. Spencer says Chelsea doesn't even look pregnant. That Spencer. She's a smart cookie. I like Chelsea's hoodie, I think she got it at Mandee's, which's not a store for pregnant girls. Or maybe it is.

Carly: She doesn't look pregnant at all. They have things for people to wear. To look pregnant.
Me: Do they? Like bathrobes?

Then, just as Spencer and Chelsea are about to take off their clothes and outline their cellulite in permanent marker, Ashley arrives to talk to Spencer, and Chelsea leaves because "Mama needs peanut butter, now." Chelsea, do you live inside my mind? Because you are reading it. From the inside. (What am I talking about? Probably the drugs again.) (I'm kidding about the drugs.)


You Haven't Seen Her in Three Months. Obviously You Have So Much You Need to Say, 'tard.
Apparently Ashley's been ignoring Spencer for three months while allivanting about Europe, looking hot. I bet Mandy Musgrave is stunning in real life you know? Or, "true life" if you will? Anyhow, seriously Ashley: totes unacceptable! Ashley, my dear, like you I TOO have lost a father, and I know that we don't have that much else in common, for example: you are fake, and I am a real person -- BUT I know that you know that you of all people should know that this is totes not the time to walk away.

Seriously, really super unforgivable. Ashley's like, rubbing a pillar of salt into an open wound, licking it, drinking a big margarita and then taking a tequila shot off Aiden's bare wounded chest in front of Spencer. More or less.
Then MTV busts up Ashley's attempt at a Heart-To-Coal-where-heart-should-be. I think this MTV girl must be an intern or something. She's really persistent, like she might not have job security or health insurance. Or else she's just really dedicated to telling a story/exploitation of tragedy.

Ashley: "There's so much I wanna say to you."
Spencer: "Say it."
Ashley: "I don't even know where to start."
Ugh: "Hi! Sorry to interrupt!"
Ashley: "OK, then, don't."
Ugh!: "Actually, I just wanna talk to you."
Ashley: "Goodbye."
Ugh!!!!: "Well then, can you tell me a time that's better for you?"
Ashley: "Yeah, Never."
See, Ashley, every time I want to hate you, you have to go do something like that and make me love you again! You're such a badass. You should drop out of school and move to Mexico or something like that. Take Glen with you and drop him in the ocean, thanks.


True Life: I'm Totally Being a Self-Centered Twat Right Now
Ashley figures she might as well do her interview, since she's got nothing to do and there's no actual classes at her school. She has a few thoughts about violence in school, and her point was almost valid until the last sentence, which comes across as pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever. Carly thinks Mandy's been smoking at least three packs a day because she's gotten even raspier than ushe.
"I think everything about life is violent. I think that people are constantly harsh to each other I think that parents are horrible to their children, friends become enemies and people that you love you crap on for no apparent reason. And you lose everything that you ever had. You know, four people may have died that night, but all of us got buried somehow."
-Really Ashley? Really?!
*
True Life: This Show's An Hour Long This Week, Like TLW Waaaa
This is when, after the "that man is a ghost" ad played for the 10,000th time, we learned that this episode is an hour long. That's the kind of thing we would've known in advance, if we weren't both so crazy stressed all the time that things like this ...

... happen more often than you might think for two girls who've only known each other in "real life" for about seven weeks.
Carly: OMG it's an hour?
Me: We're gonna have to start drinking at 8:45.

*

Too Many Curl Girls, Not Enough Aiden
This's like "The West Wing." Everyone's like, rushing down the hallways having convos all the time. Kyla and Aiden run into each other and he asks if she knows what it's like when people have something to talk about but don't really talk about it? She's like, um, we're fine, weirdo, stop trying to get all up on every girl in the universe, the world doesn't revolve around you, just this narrative. [Sidenote: Aiden, that thing you just described is called "being passive aggressive" or "being an emotional pussy."] Aiden accuses her of having an ego. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. She says she remembers them having a good relationship and now she is ready to bust on out of this crazy ass town. Kyla's asking herself if he was always this stupid. She's moving on to bigger and better things, like making every moment count, and having shiny hair, and her tits. She don't need him. Look at her! You could eat off her face, it's so clean and lovely-like.

Carpe Whatevs!

Kyla's suprised to see that Aiden's bought himself a new bicycle to pick up the ladies. She's so over him, she needs a new word for "over him." Aiden is Robo-Cop now. Look at his helmet and stuff. He's going to lower his sperm count, riding that thing.

Also, he just said "Carpe Later."

*

True Life: We Like to Interrupt Important Conversations
Spencer is at Chelsea's art studio, talking about her feelings. It's like second-hand art therapy. Re: Ashley, Spencer confesses: "Part of me wants to cut her out completely, and part of me really wants to kiss her," um, yeah -- we totally understand that emotion. TOTES. Sigh.

Anyhow; well put, Spence. Then the MTV people show up. The MTV people are really excited that a black girl and a white girl are hanging out together and want to get it on camera. It's like "The Real World"! They are stalkers, these MTV people. It's like "True Life: I'm Being Stalked by 'True Life'."

*

Raise Your Hand if You Think She's Probs Gonna Miscarry?
Chelsea loved Clay but she never wanted to have that baby, she was just putting off her Planned Parenthood appointment out of respect for him, and now she's: "..here, not studying in Paris, four months pregnant, spending [her] Senior Year as a statistic." Poor Chels. You should go to Paris with Brenda Walsh. Seriously. You know what's a good way to avoid pregnancy though, is becoming a lesbian. Just an idea. Think about it.

*

A Little Business Between Friends
Aiden has hooked Glen up with a Job Interview at a sporting goods store to help get Glen off the streets. Aiden sits atop his motorcycle *surprise*, waiting Glen's return with an emotion best described as "unreasonable levels of anxiety." Glen, always the trickster, looks slightly unhappy at first and Aiden freaks out that Glen fucked up the interview and now he can't get 20% off the kneepads he uses to ... never mind.

Aiden is like, a maniac in a way. He's always like "Bwaaajash these are my feelings HAVEmyFEELINGSrightnOW!" Lance, the manager, is Aiden's "boy" apparently, and Glen says: "I got the job. I rock and Lance can tell that." What does Lance know that we don't know? Is there another, less irrelevant side of Glen's stunning personality? I sure hope so. I hope that side of him shaves his godforsaken beard and 'stache.

Carly: "Is it Lance Bass?"
Me: "Yeah he's totally auditioning for N' Sync."

The way that Aiden sucks on his straw and says "That's my deal with you, starting right now," is kinda sexy. It also adds to my suspicion that they're getting 20% off of something very special, and that something is "blow jobs." I mean, Lance Bass? Right. Glen is concerned because he already has a job in the U.S Army as an Army of One. He proposes, ever-so-slickly:

Glen: Hey uh, hypothetically, if you enlisted in the army and then got a job, do you think you could get out of going into the army?
Carly: "So I uhh ... I have this like ... friend? Who uh ... takes a lot of pills..."

Glen, seriously? Yeah, it's called "The Wal-Mart Clause." That's how the kids got out of going to Vietnam: "Dude I would love to go, but I just got hired at this banana stand ?"
*

Come to my Window, I'll Be Home Soon, I Don't Care What They Think, I Don't Care What they Say
What do they Know About this Love, Anyway? I mean, they think they know but they have no idea.
Carly notes that Ashley is "dressed like a whore, per ushe." Hey Paula doesn't notice because she's being Nice Mom now. When Hey Paula calls for Spencer, she gets no response, and Ashley's like "It's okay, NM." Ashley tells Hey Paula that her Mom met a guy who maxed out all her credit cards. That happened to Alex on Degrassi too. It's a curse on the lesbians.
*

Just a Few Words. No Seriously. Just A FEW.
Clay's friend is talking about how Clay was a "gentle soul" and "bla bla erosion of culture, it has nothing to do with being black, brown or whatever," and he's going to go intern with Spike Lee down in New Orleans. Get that? That's a "When the Levees Broke" reference. [Good movie. Seriously, I cried through the whole thing. It's shocking and moving and brill. My non-adopted brother lives there. Holla!] Sorry, this guy always annoys the hell out of me. He's that guy who talks all the time in class and drives everyone crazy, except the teacher, who loves him. You know what I mean?
*

Oh, it's been BROUGHTEN. [Also, sidenote?]
What the F? This is the weirdest high school ever. What's the point of this? T and A? I mean, point taken. Yeah! The other girls from the squad are impressed with the fact that Madison's somehow co-ordinated a solo cheerleading recital on campus on the first week of school for no apparent reason. "Girl, you are sooo tight, and we'd love to have you back on the squad." You know, I bet there's a few porn films that started like that.
We're noticing a theme here: I think the stylist for this show is really into highlights and red hair, especially red highlights.

Carly: "They must've had a sale on red Manic Panic."


*

True Life: I Have a Motorcycle. Really. Wanna See It? Oh, I'm Already On It Surprise!
Aiden's like super glued to his motorcycle. Aiden is Fearless now. He and Ashley are perfect together, they both know how to take tragic situations and turn them into navel-gazing. They should hang out with Jenny Schecter. Aiden says: "I feel great. I feel awesome! Invincible! Like I'm finally really living my life." This is bad news. Motorcycle + Fearless = Death, fucktard. Hello, James Dean! Now it's playing "My So-Called Life" esque music all of a sudden.

*

I Don't Wanna Wait, For High School to be Over, I Wanna Know Right Now: When Will it Be?
Spencer's going to Chelsea's art studio but she's surprised because it's not Chelsea -- it's .... the MTV PEOPLE! JK. It's Ashley, obvs. She recaps the Season Two finale, reminding Spencer that when "their whole world fell apart," Spencer asked her to choose between Spencer and Aiden and that she chooses Spencer. Yay! Spencer believes her for about a second, which is long enough ...
Carly: What is this music they're playing all of a sudden? It's like Paula Cole or something.
Me: Yeah it's like Dawson's Creek. I don't wanna wait, for our lives to be over...
Carly: Where have all the cowboyyys gone??
We look up from our singalong to note that Ashley and Spencer have started kissing! Bow-BOW!!!!

Lesbian Sexy Moment #1:
Alright, I'll Make it All Up To You
The Players: Spashley
The Pick-Up: "I need you. Please tell me you need me a little bit too."
Hot or Not? : Um seriously, we're dying here as if this is an actual sex scene. Carly thinks it's weird that they're making out on someone else's bed, but I think that's hot. Because it's like, FORBIDDEN and you could be interrupted at any moment, which makes every moment count, which coincidentally happens to be what all the kids are applying as a new life philosophy these days.

Ashley clearly "sometimes feels like [she] needs a woman's touch."

Approved.

Very Nice.
We just got back from a commercial break and they're STILL MAKING OUT. THIS IS AMAZING. These actresses have great chemistry. Somehow their movements actually feel genuine -- like hesitant but familiar ... Then Ashley says: "It's like everything's perfect again." Way to go, hon. Nail, meet coffin.

You know someone's seriously been burned when they're able to tear themselves away from Mandy Musgrave.


Where Do You Go With Your Broken Heart in Tow,
What Do You Do With the Leftover You
And When Do You Know When to Let Go?
Then they fight and Spencer says it's not going to work and it hurts too much, Ashley broke her heart. Aw. If we weren't such weirdos, we might cry a little. Okay, maybe I did when I watched it again alone. Maybe I also almost cried in the opening scene while alone also. Ashley says she loves Spencer but Spencer doesn't think that's enough. Sometimes love just ain't enough, kiddos. I think many of us have learned that the hard way. Ashley's all bark and no bite, obvs . This sucks, because I don't think there's a lot of other lesbians in their high school to be girlfriends with. Ashley says she doesn't "do death well." Um, Ashley? That's retarded. Really? Who DOES do death well, a grief counselor? A serial killer? Seriously, Ashley, that is lame-o.

Also: can I just say how glad I am that they aren't playing the bisexual card? I mean, no one's even told her to choose a gender.Yay! Thank you South Of Nowhere, thank you for finally being faithful to the way these things actually work, rather than what makes for cliched narrative. I love you no matter what now.
*

3[girls]+1[Aiden]=x
Kyla is studying for the GEDs. Aiden thinks she'll do just fine because she is smart. This is the kind of logic that gets him into trouble. Sometimes mathematical know-how just ain't enough, Aids. Just like sometimes love ain't enough, and sometimes being cute just ain't enough, sometimes my drink isn't strong enough, and sometimes Kyla's character isn't compelling enough, but her face is always cute enough. Seriously, they should do a tie-in with Noxzema or something, because these kids are like, poster children for clear healthy skin.

Ashley comes home to find Aiden's there with his guess-what-vehicle?!! and tells him that Spencer's broken up with her and she's decided to start buying all her jewelery at Claire's in the mall. Those earrings? I think my best friend had those. In 1992.
"I should have died, Ash. In that shooting, I should have died. You know how tons of people when bad stuff happens they say it was meant to be? That's a bunch of crap. Like who exactly meant it to be? But now, now I feel like I was meant to be here. With you. You have two seconds to move before I do something I haven't done in a really long time--"
-Aiden
Uh oh.


Sloppy Seconds, Aiden.
Carly bet me 10 bucks Spencer comes after her right now and I said I wasn't going to make that bet, but I should've. I thought she was right. I could have ten more bucks right now.

There's two ways to kiss two people in one night: one is the sort of slutty party-girl way, which has its time and it's place and its potential for Fun. Then there's the kissing two people you like way. That's sort of a one-way road to a Very Special brand of Total Mental Anguish, and, p.s., usually; twatitude.


Ashley: Don't Fuck with Spencer!!!
*

The Last Time I Polished my Ass Was 1800 Hours
This guy is soooo sick of people joining the army and then changing their minds. I mean, it is not a good time for the U.S. Army recruiting centers right now. Also, he reminds me of the "sergeants" they bring onto Daytime talk shows to whip kids into shape. "You think you're too good for your mother?! You want to stay out all night and disobey her? Don't look at me like that!!!!" Glen's actually becoming slightly funny in all his doofiness. Glen is growing on me! Just like his beard is growing on his f*%$**#$ face. Glen's like Goofus and Gallant. Whichever one is the dumb one.
*

[Re: Kyla, See Sidenote.]

Spencer wants Kyla to stay in school. They're gonna have to shut down this school if everyone keeps leaving or getting killed. Who's left? The lesbian and the pregnant girl and the Immortal Playa and the Exhibitionist Cheerleader? Spencer thinks Kyla should stick around and be in the school play, 'Guys and Dolls.' I love it when they do plays on teevee shows. I don't know why. I think it's because I love theater, but also the opps for subtext and costumes are endless. I don't like G&D that much, but if Spencer gets to be the sexy secretary girl, that'd be super-fly. Kyla's done acting, she just wants to be herself. I think Britney Spears wrote a good song about that.

Anyhow then Spencer looks up to see that Ashley has come to school with Aiden! Ashley, you're killing us! What the F? If Shane was here, she'd cut your tits off. She tries to explain, but Spencer's not having it. She can get someone else who's not mean. (Right? That's what I keep telling myself.)

ATOM ANT ATTACKS
FYI Aiden, you are like, way behind the times. I was rockin' the Atom Ant look back in 2000, after I almost crashed a motorcycle into a plate glass window in Switzerland. Ashley looks funny in her helmet like she might get trapped under there. This could very quickly become very comical [on purpose].
Spencer's horrified, understandably, at this scene. Ashley acts clueless and Spencer retorts: "What are you gonna say right now, that you love me? Because that's really clear right now." Good point. Maybe Ashley likes Aiden because he's gonna live forever and she also wants to live forever, too. But also: Spencer got injured too and she's alive. Remember the wound on her hand?
*

Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner?
The fam's gathered around the table for a good old fashioned family dinner, but something's weighing heavily on Glen's mind. Possibly the crushing weight of all that empty space in his skull. I love how Spencer's totally over Glen too. She's like, "You're not on drugs again?" He says that's "not even funny." It wasn't supposed to be funny, Glen, obvs. Jeez. Everyone grills him, it's like sort of a commentary on the ridiculousness of television in general, that he's already done all this stuff. Whatever lip gloss Spencer's wearing in this scene; it works.

This Dad is the most earnest dad in the universe, I love him. He tries so hard sometimes I think his ears will just pop right off his hopeful little head.

Carly: It's shot like Traffic!
Me: It's because they're all so bleak and desolate, obvs. I wish they were doing smack with Erica Christenson.
Carly: It's "The N"!
Me: Oh, right.
*

"I Keep Doing All These Terrible Things."

Ashley, ever-eager to lighten her emotional load, confesses: "My life is crashing and falling falling apart because I keep making these stupid mistakes." Uh, ya think? When Kyla suggests that maybe she shouldn't've slept with Aiden, Ashley's reaction could be a little more emotional.

Re: Aiden ... "I feel safe with him, you know? I do love him, I'm just not in love with him." Kyla suggests that Ashley IS in love with Spencer. I think maybe she feels safe with Aiden because he's simple and dependable, and Spencer is more complicated and interesting and Ash can't handle it? Just throwing that out there. Again, I'm still giddy with excitement that no one's played the bisexual card, so I'm not going to. Like I'm not going to suggest that maybe Ashley can't handle being gay or something.
Ashley: "It's like I'll have one feeling an then it goes away and then I have a different one and a different one and nothing even makes sense anymore!"
Kyla: "It's alright, slow down, okay? You don't have to figure it all out right now."
Me and Carly simultaneously: UM YEAH YOU DO!

We just don't think emotional rollercoasters are fun for anyone, except like, the rollercoaster designer, because she like, designed it, and knows when everything's gonna happen or whathaveyou. People die on rollercoasters, you know.


This Pod's Getting Herself a New iPod!

Then they get distracted because their Mother has gotten so desperate about the credit card sitch that she's taken all the upholstrey off her couch and turned it into a shirt. She's pretty foxy for a pod, though. She's got good news: Ashely and Kyla are now millionaires, thanks to the inheritance. AWESOME! They should start a Peabody Foundation or save the children or something. The fact that Ashley has no desire to save any children whatsoever [or donate to auto-straddle] is slightly disconcerting. C'mon, Ash-Bash. Why you gotta be like that? Like, how you are?
*

See ... Sidenote!
Spencer's sleeping. Ashley wakes her up, she was probably having a sweet dream about Tegan & Sara like I usually am.

*

What Happens in Cabo does not Stay in Cabo!
Ash's come to save the day. She's gonna take Spencer to Mexico! It's a grand gesture. Carly and I are on the edge of our seats because we both believe in Grand Gestures and like to think that they Still Work. Also, personally, I would go to Cabo. I'd go to Cabo with Ilene Chaiken, Dick Cheney, and Donald Trump. I'd go to Cabo with all of my ex-boyfriends. Hell, I'd go to Cabo with my ex-girlfriend. But Spencer won't go to Mexico. Boo. That could've been a fun episode, like all the other travels Spashley have enjoyed together that usually ended in disaster.
Spencer says she can't hate Ashley because she still loves her. That doesn't make any sense to me at all. You can't love someone and hate them at the same time? I feel like most of the people I love a lot, I hate a lot. A wise man who I love/hate once told me: "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference."

She says: "Look Ash, I need to figure out your life and I need to figure out mine." You're in high school, Spence. Lighten up. Go to Cabo. Put on a bikini, like in the old days, see how happy you are in your bikini with Ashley? That's the day when you talked about liking girls, remember? Aw.
Ashley claims that she's never gonna stop trying.

Carly: "Yeah, you do that Ashley! Persistence is key."
Me: "Absolutely! Yeah it is. Keep trying!"
Carly: "But it doesn't work."
Me: "No, it really doesn't."

*

Ooo!! I know I know! Why Don't You Tell them You Enrolled with a Fake ID?!!

Carly: "Is that a bra hanging out of Aiden's pocket?"
This is a real meeting of the minds. Glen's trying to figure out how to get out of his army enrollment. Unfortunately he doesn't go for any of Aiden "Nothing Can Kill Me Now" Dennison's suggestions, e.g., shooting off his foot, acting like he's crazy. "Acting like" he's crazy.


Re: acting crazy, Glen actually DOES THE ROBOT AND SAYS:
"What like, during the physical, gnawing on the stethoscope and being like, this reminds me of when I lived with the family of robots?"

Aiden suggests that Glen become a priest, but Glen doesn't want blue balls. Also, he didn't even know what blue balls was until Aiden spelled it out for him. Oh, Aiden. What do you know about blue balls? You've had six girlfriends since the beginning of this show, you've even had Spencer's girlfriend. But I'd suggest masturbation. Just an idea. If Glen became a priest and incorporated the robot into his shtick, I'd join his religion.
Glen: I'm not giving up sex!
Aiden: It's not like you're having any.
Thank G-d.

Carly: "I like his serial date rapist facial hair."
*

In West Hollywood, Born and Raised, on the Playground Is Where I Spent Most of My Days
Ashley is at school, dressed like Papi. I hope she means this outfit ironically. She went there to stir up gossip, obvs, and to be jealous that Spencer and Aiden both are talking to other humans besides her. That's always dangerous, because they might discover that not everyone is being such a meanie. At this point, Carly and I were debating the possibility that Ashley might have something like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, maybe?
Aiden's confused that Ashley didn't call him back last night. She was busy putting together that tank top layering situation, clearly. A girl just doesn't get out of bed lookin' so fly. He's really reminding me of my ex-boyfriend. "What are we Ash, you and me?" He's such a lez!
Aiden: Stop being the sensitive girl that hides her feelings by being sarcastic? Where's your head?
Me: Under that terrible hat.

We can't move because of her outfit. It's bad, it's like Papi-bad. Also, neither of us are sure what's wrong with hiding sensitivity behind sarcasm.
*

I'll Miss You Too NOT!
Glen tells Spencer he's gonna miss her when he "leaves." Wink wink. Huh. Glen, you are possibly the least subtle person on earth. You're one of those guys who would go to a movie on a date and then do the yawn-arm-around-the-shoulder thing. Oh you know what else you could do? Tell them you've been a drug addict. Although at this point, the army'd probs take anyone. Well, except the gays. You know how they are! Always ... um. Being gay!

*

Ring Around the Rosie, Pocket-Full of Posies ...
The family has all gathered in the hallway to yell at each other about Glen joining the army. I guess it's as good a place as any. Oh Dad poor Dad. I think it's time to kick Glen out on his ass. He says "I was trying to do something good! I was trying to serve my country!" Unfortunately , thanks to G.W., those two things don't have that much to do with each other anymore. I support the troops, P.S. I want them to come home obvs and anyone who goes there is way braver than I'll ever be. All I do is make fun of the teevee. Even if Glen went, he'd be braver than me.


HEY PAULA!
Hey Paula has some serious anger management issues. Although seriously if I were her, I would be on the edge. Also, I still hate her for being mean to Spencer about being gay, P.S.

Spencer tells Glen that she has an idea for how he can get out of being in the army.

Spencer's about to become an only child. It's like "Party of Five" but the other way around.


*

I can't believe they've been shopping all day and she's still wearing this hat.

Ashley's very excited about their new lifestyle, which she's probs gonna reduce in about two years by spending all their money on ridiculous things. Kyla wants to do something more fulfilling and spiritual. Maybe while you're in Cabo , you could build a house for some of the people working at your resort, 'cause 17.6% of the Mexican population is living below the poverty line. FYI.

Kyla suggests Ash is just running away from Spencer. Ashley suggests they hop in the limo and spend a grand or two on Sushi. It is a really good thing that she's hot, because she is more or less becoming insufferable as a person. That only increases our deep love for Spencer.


*

"I'm Not Gonna Ask Anyone or Tell Anyone Anything."
Glen and Dad are at the recruitment office to try to weasel their way out of this situation. Glen's got an idea: pretend to be gay! I love this because it's really funny commentary in general on how ridic the army is about gay people. Just ask Tasha. It woulda been hotter if he brought Aiden in and made out with him. Too many boys, not enough Aiden . Unfortunately it doesn't work because Glen's blue balls have gotten so bad, he actually checked out "Sgt. Lindsay" on his way in. Glen! D'oh!

This is Totes Not the Army Guy's First Time.
Clearly this was Spencer's idea. She's just sick of Glen always winning "I've Never" with "I've never kissed anyone of the same sex." Now she's got "I've never been a drug addict" and she'll win every time. He signed up for the army using a fake ID, so we're fine. He will not be in basic training with Tasha, unfortunately.


*

I Choose the Adventure Where You Make Out
Her reference to Choose Your Own Adventure books is really amazing. Spencer points out that things only move forward, not backwards. See Ashley, this is the kind of stuff you could learn if you stayed in school. You can't get by on your looks forever, Musgrave.

Spencer: "Hey do you remember those Choose your Own Adventure books, you know, if you didn't like the way one story went, you could go back and choose another?"
Ashley: "So let's back up and chose another story."
Carly: "Life isn't a DVR, Ashley."

Ashley misses Spencer so much. They're cute on the phone together, I know this feeling. It's very funny, sometimes, 'cause when you're alone in your room and all the lights are off and someone's voice is in your ear, it feels quite real and intimate. I'm not talking about phone sex, weirdos, just normal conversations. Spencer still likes talking to her and I think wants to be her friend. Dude, if I were her and Ashley dropped out of school I'd be like: AWESOME. Now I don't have to pretend to be your friend, I can just ignore you for all of time.



Aiden Must Have Just Taken a Long Warm Bath, Like Hey Paula Told Spencer To Do In the First Scene
Clearly Ashley's got some issues. I hope she works on them. That'll be hard to do while Toolbelt over there lies in bed with you. Also, leopard print bra to bed? Really Ashley, really? You need to be on Queer Eye or something.


Lesbian Sexy Moments Total: 1
Quote of the Week:
Seriously, I have no clue. Carly suggested, "That man over there is a ghost," from that preview we had to watch 500 times. Any suggestions?

'til next time!

30 comments:

  1. Louisa said...

    genius recap. thanking you. FYI: you are both hot :)  

  2. sarah in texas said...

    fyi: you ARE both hot (nice ties lol), and i'm so glad you are recapping SON, this was hillarious.

    personally, i can't wait to see spencers new lady. really ashley really? i was so mad at her for staying at aidens!

    til next week....;-)  

  3. carlytron said...

    Aiden's last name is Dennison?

    (I'm still reading and laughing and reading and remembering and laughing more)  

  4. Oo Lynnie oO said...

    could Spencer possibly be any cuter? the answer to that would be "no"

    could your recaps possibly be anymore entertaining? the answer that that is also "no"

    i loved the brit(ney spears) refrences! good stuff. esp. brave new girl, what a gem of a song that is.

    so lets talk some SON!
    -ashley "never stop trying" = sleeping w/ aiden?! twice?!
    - and i noticed that all the non spashley scenes kind of sucked...like, the actors didn't even try bc they know nobody cares about them...yet they dedicate time to a 10 yr long "cheerleading routine". that was nutzo.

    k, bye! im obvs your number 1 commenter fan of the day.  

  5. carlytron said...

    This recap makes me sound hilarious. I love this recap as much as I love Spencer and Britney Spears references.

    I think we should have a special shout-out to our favorite outfit or article of clothing every week too. Obvs. this week it's Ashley's hat. Maybe it can be called the Papi Award for Pissing Off Wardrobe. We can also track the homoeroticism between the brain trust that is Aiden and Glen.

    The only suggestion I can provide for future recaps is MORE CARLY (and more drinking before/during the show, obvs).  

  6. riese said...

    louisa: thanks! we try. (to be hot) and i try (to be a genius) . whee!

    *

    SIT: Those are awesome initials. If you haven't already, you should change your name to "sarah in texas." I'm excited for Spencer's new GF too, because Ash is a biznatch.

    *
    lynnie o: I agree about the other scenes. I feel like they are mostly just fodder to get back to Spashley. I feel like I missed who Kyla's character was altogether, almost? I mean, huh? But then I think that there's probably a lot of straight girls who watch it because they think Aiden's a hottie. I'm not sure exactly what Glen's doing, obviously, but we're still crossing our fingers for that Aiden/Glen storyline, I think they could really bring out each other's softer sides and explore new "sides" of their relationship.

    *

    carlytron:

    Totes Dennison! Looked it up on imdb, obvs.

    Also you are hilarious, I didn't even make up your lines. Also I LOLed about the "brain trust." I agree, we should track homoeroticism between them and all characters, as clearly that's all we're truly looking out for. And Papi Award, Brill. I have a feeling Ashley's got a good shot at winning.

    Also obvs, in complete agreement re: drinking before/during/after. We'll have to really speed it up since they'll be 30 minutes from now on.  

  7. The Spaz said...

    My Ex got me hooked on this show. Well actually she was two girlfriends ago, would that make her an Ex Ex/XX or X2,(that was totally gonna be squared but the Sup tag doesn't work on Blogger,) sup. Sup?

    At first I felt a bit strange for watching a teenage show. Then I realized I used to watch 90210 when it started and the actors were all like thirty so... (Yeah I've run out of point here.)

    But great recap, hilarious!

    I wonder what happened to make Clay quit? You know there's gotta be a good story there, one good incident, its not like the show was any less gay the first two seasons...

    Also maybe don't hold your breath about the 'just pick a sex already!' card not being played. I know I felt the same way but I'm just wondering how long it will be before somebody says it to her... My bet is Madison.

    Speaking of Madison, I wonder about her and Ashley's hostility, I haven't seen all the episodes but I feel like I'm missing some backstory, were they ever a couple? Or is this yet another case of me reading gay subtext into everything?  

  8. cait/jersey/whatever said...

    ok, you guys are hilarious, i wish your show was on tv.. seriously

    also, i literally laughed out loud everytime i read 'hey paula'.. too funny

    i thought the same thing about the boobs then felt weird cause i think these girls might be teenagers and that freaks me out a little..


    ashley's hat was amazing, obviously she had to be chanelling Papi.. really..

    thanks for the recap, it was great, can't wait for next week  

  9. riese said...

    spaz: re; the sup tag, totes. That annoys me on many levels. But that would be funny, we should start employing that situation to talk about exes. X1, X2, etc. Like all the way back so someone's high school sweetheart would be X6.

    Carly pointed out that we don't have to feel creepy about liking Spencer because the actress is like, 23.

    I think Madison was jealous of Ashley because Aiden always wanted Ashley instead of Madison but it's not fair because Ashley is gay[ish] and should just be with Spencer. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Also, she doesn't like gay people, so she should probably watch her back if you know what I'm saying.

    If they make it all season without playing the bi card, then I will kiss a boy in their honour. Or a girl that looks like a boy? Or not. I'll just cheer.

    *

    joisygirl:

    Dude, we wish our show was on the air too! In fact, I have that wish more than any other wish in the world. I wish that every day, day in and day out. I think Carly can agree easily with me in this one.

    And, lest any of us feel weird about the boobs, here goes:
    the actors-their ages
    Ashley-21
    Spencer-23
    Kyla-20
    Madison-23
    Bitchy Cheerleader Girl-26! (OLDER THAN ME!)

    Ta-DA!

    Also, Madison was in Maxim, obvs. That's so totes like her.  

  10. Hopeless_Savage said...

    Hehehe, I'm glad I took the trip over here from AfterEllen to read this.
    Wicked funny recap.
    So many things, 'Clay Portard' lol.
    The picture editing is equally awesome. The 'hello!' on Ashley's cleavage and the lesbian spotted at the high school :-P
    Loved it.
    I'll be back for episode 2...uh 3? Damn confusing American shows...

    LJS  

  11. MoonKiller said...

    It won't let me watch it (through that link like). Think you have to live in the US. I'll try and find it on TV Links or somthing. (y).

    I've never really watched South of Nowhere, I've seen the odd episode when I've been bored but never really got into it. I watched season 1 - 3 of TLW last summer though.

    I laughed so much I couldn't breathe at one point and my dad came in and laughed at me and then we both just laughed for no reason for half an hour.

    Word veri: nrkrs = knockers  

  12. MoonKiller said...

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=FA7_Idev6og

    part one. the others parts are pretty easy to find. For people outside the US.

    See what I do for you. Saved your neck then. Think of all those complaints you could've had.
    But I obvs found it for myself too. = ]  

  13. jersey said...

    Dude, let's figure something out with your show, just like make a million copies and send it somewhere. How hard could it be to get a show on the air? If Ilene can do it, anyone can...

    I feel better knowing their ages, thank god they're all older than 18, although kind of depressing that only one is older than me...  

  14. Anonymous said...

    Im glad Im not the only per(v)son who noticed their boobs look huge!!  

  15. riese said...

    hopeless savage:

    I am also glad that you took the trip ... and glad you caught the Portard reference .. haha. I think it's episode 3? Hm. I suppose this is the kind of thing we should know about, actually.

    *

    moonkiller:

    I updated the link, thank you for saving my neck ... :--) Obvs the word veri was knockers, that is so perfect/brill/amazing. Also, amazing, re: you and your dad laughing for half an hour.

    *

    jersey:

    That is exactly what we thought!!! and it turns out to be so much harder than we expected! We've got sooooo many leads right now ... and we're just waiting, I think, for one to fall into place. But by "waiting" we mean actively exploring so many avenues. It will be on the air. Yes, it will. (Imagine me standing in front of the guitar store, a la Wayne looking at guitar)

    *

    anon:

    HOT. hehee.  

  16. Oo Lynnie oO said...

    you should go here = http://www.youtube.com/user/SmallvilleJunkie

    and whatch the SON video re-caps.
    they made me lol.  

  17. MoonKiller said...

    [unimpressed face] I woke up this morning thinking 'Yeh, lets watch a bit of South of Nowhere before going to Cardiff'. So I came on here to go through the link. 'This video has been removed by the user.' Bollocks.

    But fear not my friend. When Rhibo wants something Rhibo always gets it. So...http://youtube.com/watch?v=tPkF9ZRZNS0 Tada! The annoying thing is that they're in really short parts and the qualities piss poor.

    And it as actually raining here right now and it makes me want to kill myself. Last night by friend called me and in a really depressed and childlike voice said 'Rhi, the sky looks sad.'

    A-Town, down.  

  18. Anonymous said...

    you're so funny ..i used to read your recaps of theLword,great work..and i think Ashley is bitch and what i like most about that episode is that even Spencer still love her,she broke up with Ashley,because they really need to figure out their lifes..thank you and i'm not sure if i'm more excited about next episode or your recap..  

  19. minna said...

    i'm glad i'm not the only one who caught the "Portard" reference, which was clearly awesome. in a close second is "Hey Paula".

    i'm in total agreeance with y'all about the secondary characters... there was nothing there, and all the stories were totally boring. perhaps a glen/aiden hookup would actually make things interesting...

    oh, and re: life's big question #5, there is absolutely no way spencer could be any cuter :)  

  20. riese said...

    lynnie: I'm a total weirdo who can't handle watching anyone else's recap in any format until the end of the season. I feel like it influences my clearly totally unbiased, 100% fair evaluation of this show. And sometimes we make the same jokes, and then I start to wonder if we always make the same jokes, and then I think about that kind of stuff too much when I write mine. See? Me=weirdo. HA! But thanks for the tip, I'll check it out in November. Heeehe.

    *

    rhibo: You are amazing, obviously. It was randomly 59 degrees two days ago, after being swelteirng hot before and after, I'm sure it's probs the apocalypse.

    *

    anonymous: Personally, I'm more excited about my recap. But I'm biased.

    *

    minna: If I could write a thank you letter to the producers of "Hey Paula" and thank them for creating such a brilliant show tile that I will continue to use for all of time, I would. Or I'd ask someone to write it for me and then I would sign it, obvs.  

  21. Edilma said...

    Hey riese! Sorry i'm late for the recap, i had to catch up with my SON (i didn't watch the last three episodes of last season), but i'm back on track now. Thanks for the recap! as always people at work think i'm crazy because i laugh so hard...i missed you, and i missed Spashley :D

    Thanks again...

    P.S. Yes Spencer is getting cuter...but i love bad girls, so i love Ashley :P  

  22. Script said...

    Heya,

    Argghhhh what can one say about this latest episod of SON?! Actually you did a pretty good job in your recap.

    Ashley, Ashley, Ashley... what are you thinking. I mean who in their right mind would choose Aiden over Spencer. I was throwing things at the tv (soft things I want to be able to watch the next episode!) in absolute disgust at the not once, but two times she managed to fall into bed with him.

    At that point I was desperately hoping for some kind of crossover where Evil Willow would come and turn Aiden into a rat (Amy style). Ashley would keep him in a cage in her room where he would have to suffer through watching Ashley and Spencer eventually get back together. Actually, come to think of it, it's not really that bad a punishment!

    I like your ideas about the whole Glenn/Aiden hookup idea. But in all seriousness, do we really want to see Glenn make out with anyone?

    So I look forward to next week. Hoping the new girl of Spencer's doesn't ever wear hats. And I really do have to ask the question, who wore high heels like that when they were in high school?

    Thanks again for your recap, look forward to reading it again next week...  

  23. Amanda said...

    This is my firs time visiting this website and I have to say that this recap cracked me up.  

  24. Oo Lynnie oO said...

    well it's not really a re-cap as much as it is them reinacting it...and it's the 1st season..soo...you have no excuses! ha  

  25. C said...

    "Mama needs peanut butter, now."

    Nuff said...  

  26. riese said...

    edilma:

    Hey, stranger! Glad to see you back! I think we all have a soft spot for dear Ashley, which has something to do with her indcredible levels of hotness, I think. And badness. We like things that are bad for us clearlu.

    *

    script:

    I know right?! Well, a girl who liked boys, I guess. He is pretty cute. I was throwing things at Carly.

    I never saw Buffy actually ::hangs head in shame:: but what you're describing sounds totes amazingly amazing.

    I don't think we want to see Glen make out with anyone, but that could be overriden by him becoming a homosexual.

    I have NO CLUE WHO DRESSED LIKE THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL. No one, methinks. Sluts? I love sluts, nothing against them, but maybe that's who?

    *

    amanda:

    I hope you come back now, y'hear?

    *

    lynnie:

    Okay, okay, what if I watch the mallow thing? Is that good if I watch the mallows?

    *

    c:

    Holla. Actually, I kinda do I think.  

  27. carlytron said...

    evil willow would be a brill. addition to this show. maybe evil spencer?  

  28. AfterPortia said...

    Well, Automatic Straddle, I don't know if we should be best friends or archnemesi ... Is NYC big enough for the both of us?

    Yeah, I think it probably is. You're dead on about the boob jobs this season. I think even Jesus-loving Paula got some new knockers and a new personality for Season 3.  

  29. kyle said...

    Watch TV Shows Online and I have seen this show too. Good show and good post too.  

  30. Lucilyn labajo said...

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