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Riese, Heather, Awesome, Haviland. Haviland's shirt, p.s., reads "as seen on myspace." Speaking of lesbian television and places to see Haviland, we are all going to The View on Wednesday morning for Ro's b-day. Hav will be in drag, singing about the French Revolution like a good little pumpkin. Heather and I will be in the audience, wearing something bright and matching. Look out for large fruits or flowers.

The only reason the dog is not seething with discontent is because he is a dog, and dogs can't speak/hear human words.

The DVD-R got so bored that it decided not to record this episode. I realized that in time to record the last 30 minutes of the episode during it's second go-round, but now I have to wait till it comes on again to get the start (or like, when it's on-demand?). So this week's re-cap might be later than usual. In the mean-time, I'd encourage you to read:

1. My OurChart Guestbian Blog

2. One of the books from the "AP Lesbian Livin'" sidebar, in which no one clips their toenails, and conversations about the exact sexual identity of a given character are well developed and fresher than Papi's stale churro she's storing in her nightstand for churro-circle tricks. And 8% of your purchase goes straight to my well-styled pockets.

3. My girlfriend is the only lesbian on earth who has never seen this show, though she faithfully reads all the re-caps and googled Dana Fairbanks a few days ago because I had her on my OurChart profile as an historical figure I'd like to have dinner with ("I thought she'd be some like, kick-ass writer from the 17th century or something"). She watched it today. Which is too bad, because this was the WORST EPISODE EVER. She had this to say:

Here I am. No idea why I'm viewing this bullshit. I'm trying to catch the attention of this dog named Awesome who hates me--dude like barks for no reason at my being; here/there looking over to Marie [side note from Riese: Marie's my not-nickname] in admiration of her typing skills. So fucking fast. Anyway, the L Word sucked. Like, obvs. Just as I'd imagined--my discontent/winter. I saw Cybil Shephard/Moonlighting and J. Beals/Flashdance and that was all I could think of. Their former stints. Cause this current one--L Word? Shitty film editing--awkward movement. Drawn-out retarded dialogue, etc. Like, wtf happened in this episode? I apparently "watched" it, as in, I was cognizant while the teevee was on, f-in allegedly. But I don't recall anything, hardly. Not cause I was drunk and it's my birthday and I'm f-in old, but cause--the L Word's just plain not engaging; as in, I don't feel these chicks. At all. Whatsoevs. Max I recall, made out with some babe, who was okay-looking; but, I didn't feel that. Didn't stir my viscera. And it wasn't all that hot (which's too bad cause Daniela Sea's gorgeous--beautiful eyes--if her character were developed a bit and that particular scene elaborated with real shit--perhaps we'd find it hot cause there'd be empathy context). I kept thinking of Marie the entire time, kissing her, while bullshit shots of lesbian trannie sorta sex graced the scene. Dude--garbage. Like, that was gay I think was my light motif. Repeatedly, "This is GAY," etc. in the pejorative/derogatory sense/always. Not as in, these chicks're lesbos, but like--dude, better film editing, screenplay, etc. More fascinating dialogue. More action, more everything. I feel like the L Word could use better writers so we could truly connect with characters that might vaguely reflect us, yeah? Or not? I'm f-in drunk. Marie's pissed at me cause it's late and we should really be snoozing, yeah? "Goodnight Autowin." "Goodnight Maoist." xo.

4. And a question, from us here at auto-straddle to you out there in auto-world (not to be confused with AutoWorld, the ill-conceived motor-vehicle themed fun-park lauched in Flint, Michigan when I was a little girl):
What would you like from me between the finale of this year's lesbian catastrophe show and the optimistic beginnings of what we all imagine to be the new-improved-glorious Season Five? Re-caps of "South of Nowhere"? Tying The Girl to a chair and forcing her to watch all episodes of "The L Word" from Seasons One and Two and then re-capping them? Book club? Naked photos of pretty girls? Win One-Romantic-Night-with Haviland contest? Trivia contest and the prize is a trio of just-worn-panties from Haviland, Heather and I? Cake recipies? Jokes about cats? (I hate cats) Games where people give me money? Papi's Rules of Poking Her in the Rear? I am so Tired I am Going to Pass Out, I can't make any funny jokes? A re-cap of "Les Miserables"? Re-cap of an issue of Curve magazine? A script of a good episode of "The L Word," written by ME? Oh man, I gotta sleep.

Goodnight, autostraddlers.


  1. LN James said...

    Count me in for all things Haviland.

    Oh, and whatever else, I'm up. South recaps would be fab actually. Anything gay-like and/or strais-acting-gayish. Recap the damn phonebook and make it sound gay if you must, it's all good.  

  2. Anonymous said...

    I vote for the script!  

  3. nyradical said...

    Um ... I really need to apologize for being so misanthropic. Like, one love yo.  

  4. Anonymous said...

    I'd say recap season one and two...that would be my vote...or anything gay as In james has said... :)  

  5. Anonymous said...

    after last night's episode where dialogue was replaced with screaming "conversations" that any ftard could have written i'd say my vote would have to be for a script. even one episode of superior writing might... might make up for a season of complete shit... except ep6.  

  6. ames said...

    yeah. the people on this show scream "fuck you" at each other more than anyone i've ever seen. and it doesn't matter if it's in public, in sign language, in yiddish with klezmer music in the background.

    "fuck you!"
    "fuck you!"
    "well, fuck you too!"
    and then, alice chimes in, "fuck my mother!"  

  7. Helena-Raye said...

    I think that I'm going to have to go with the script (base it in s4, make it not suck like the majority of the writing for this season has, thus far ...) and with South of Nowhere recaps!

    Damn RIGHT that show is a guilty pleasure! It's like an American Degrassi w/ Dykes, I love it. Woop woop, SoN.  

  8. Tor said...

    You know, I think that I am not in the least bit gay anymore because of this single episode. Despite the toenails. I hope IC can sleep tonight knowing that an entire generation of formerly self-content lesbos et al have been put off. I can't believe that I am blaming her for this, but here it is: I don't even want to download overly arty pics of Shane anymore. As to the balance of the year--go with Hav.  

  9. Anonymous said...

    Thought I'd point out that Duckie was not in Sixteen was Pretty in Pink.  

  10. Bridget said...

    i vote recap the oldies but goodies

    and maybe start recaping the tudors cause you love it?!

    or didn't someone else (maybe you) say that you should recap the Tudors but pretend they are all L word ladies.

    Les Brits - maybe?  

  11. luvtub said...

    I realize I'm kinda late here; been working my way through the S3 recaps and the previous interepisodic posts, which are capital-A Awesome (dur).

    Compulsivity suggests for my vote to go for Season 1 and 2 recaps and THEN to a script. Your recaps have never failed to bring a bright spot to my day, and proper attention to the early days seems well-warranted. And maybe once thelwordonline decide to crank 'er up again, they'll posthumously link to those, too, with some gentle encouragement.

    Again, Riese, please do both!! After all, you did a whiz-bang job on S3 in about a month. And we gotta wait 9 more months for next year's goods. Crap!!  

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Auto-Straddle is where Autowin indulges her guilty pleasures -- The L Word, South of Nowhere, and other queer pop culture.

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