II. The Tudors
I. MY dear Automatic-Straddlers, what can I say but thank you for your support in the race to Guestbianism. Thanks to you, I will have another place on the internet to write about myself. Undoubtedly OurChart will change forever, and then, the world will change. For all of you who helped me bang Lisabang: all your hair will turn to gold, and you are all going to have only good things happen to you in your life from now on. Castles on clouds, unicorns, peanut butter, waterfalls, circles and women in uniform. Below, Haviland and I show our gratitude in the men's room:
II. I went to see the press screening of "The Tudors." It was longer than the entire season of "The L Word" so far. I think it was longer than Ben-Hur.
However, the chairs in the theater were so comfortable, I almost didn't mind. From time to time, I'd take a sneak-peak of Heather's cleavage, suck on a butterscotch candy, or take notes. Also, I would check my clock (my ipod) and feel totally wronged and make wronged-facial-expressions in the dark. I was going to try to put something together here to tell you about this little program, but instead, I am just going to transcribe my notes, word for fuckin' word. First of all--I didn't take notes at first. I was in this mindset like: "Riese, smart people like shows about history. Riese, be smart. Riese, this will be really useful next time you play Trivial Pursuit." Then I realized that wasn't going to happen. So I started taking notes instead. At the time, I actually believed I was writing sentences that would later compose this blog. I now realize that my memory of the show is much like my memory of the 1560s. I wasn't alive then, so what can I really remember? (I don't know, also, when the 1560s were, or what the Tudors is about really. I don't know how I missed that part of history, but I switched schools a lot so they kept teaching me about the Native Americans over and over. Did you know I'm related to Pochantas? It's true. Um, I read a lot of books though. Seriously. And a lot of blogs. And magazines.)
NOTES: THE TUDORS
This reminds me of the Renissance Festival.
I have no fucking clue what is going on. All these men look the same.
Already more sex than L Word. Girl looks familar (SLC?)
It's Sean's brother from Degrassi!
Music: TITANIC? (REALLY PAPI)
Lots of boobs. The second girl had surprisingly large ones.
Ew, he's wearing a quilt.
Something about going to War with France?
I think Henry is the King of England.
Henry the 5th remembered for victory at war--I don't remember anything except the Shakespeare play I refused to attend.
I want some goblets.
Jonathan RM is a lesbian girl. He's shiny.
They are putting up really elaborate scenes, and they couldn't even find an actual set for the Dana-camping-trip scene?
He wants battles and glory.
I get it kinda.
Jousting like the Renaissance festival. (is this the Renaissance? what year? ugh!)
The application of humanist principals to international affairs
Duke of Buckingham-discovered Charles with his daughter
No offense-no need for any punishment--henry supports womens sexual freedom!
"My father will kill you"
"Then I should die a happy man."
My beard will be a token of the love between us. Um ew.
It's like history is it's own SPOILER ALERT.
They just kill people on this show.
These are the most comfortable chairs I've ever sat in in my whole life.
jeff buckley song!!!!! dream brother!
The French guy talking shit
Is it better for a king to be feared or loved?
That baby is huge. No umbilical cord. Full baby. LOLing, Heather too.
I'm pretty sure the premiere of the Tudors is longer than the entire season of The L Word.
I'm glad they gave us candy.
The trial of Lord Buckingham.
Is this the beheading guy? "Off with his head," etc.?
This is a good show, it's just not for me. Everyone else will like it but me. Like Gladiator, Rome, brad pitt movie (troy?), whatever. Braveheart. Everyone will love this show but I will snore.
This is when my head started hurting from the champagne.
Anne Bolin is SMOKIN HOT. She should be w/Shane.
"Deep and dangerous."
I'd give a spoiler alert but most people already know this stuff, right?
(Did I take history--us, native americans, no europe. spain. spanish inquisition. shakespeare.)
Things like the L Word:
horses (mrs. fairbanks)
tegan and sara-so jealous
the tudors-so boring
Bla bla am i dumb? Is this true? bla bla.
Those eyes are like dark hooks to the soul.
Hook me up, hook hook.
NEED. TYLENOL. FOOD.